Hi Simone,
As a man who was recently in the situation your fiance is in, this post really helped me gain perspective (and may seem biased, but I tried not to be 🙂 ). I am sorry for all this pain and mess you are going through, and want you to know you are not alone. What I would suggest is may be taking some time off before making that big a decision, there shouldnt be any rush in the matters of the heart.
Other option you could actually explore is to put in more into your relationship with your fiance, even if you are unsure, if you still see a spark in there. Go all in with him, dissect the relationship and see if the differences are reconcilable, may be use counseling or spiritual guidance. He must be hurt, but there is nothing that a heartfelt apology and a willingness to delve deeper into the relationship issues will not fix, who knows, may be you guys will have a stronger bond coming out of this.
if you dont see a future with the ex, then i would suggest let him go amicably, and wish him well. The other man seems like an escape, he makes you feel better about yourself, because you feel he wouldn’t judge you, however, this may be a manifestation of just not loving yourself enough. The love you feel is plain excitement and attachment. He seems like an escape route you unfortunately and inadvertently planned to avoid facing the real deal. Please take some time off of him and try to find yourself, and nurture the truly beautiful person you are, things happen and then they are over, there shouldn’t be anything to be ashamed about if you find the root cause and turn it into a teaching experience. If you feel comfortable with your own being and are OK with being single, still harbor feelings for the other person, then may be you can start something with him, but not now, when you are so unsure about yourself.
Hopefully you and your fiance will find some peace,
with love
B

I can relate to the pain of the moral limbo. There is a lot of good in this situation. First, you recognize that something is wrong and you are asking for help. That is a crucial step in the right direction. “God permits U-turns” Perhaps the thing scarier than losing these men, would be to stay with them, and not find out who you really are.
I hope one more person telling you the obvious will be of help – please, keep asking for help – the man who has a girlfriend – walk away. It doesn’t matter how “real” the love feels. You do not want to be with someone who is still with someone else.
I am not sure about your ex-fiance. If you don’t think he is for you, you are hurting him the long run, by acting like it might be a possibility. I am sure you know that. Believe me, I have been in a situation with similar ramifications, so I am not blaming.
I like what bodhisatva said: “Please take some time off of him and try to find yourself, and nurture the truly beautiful person you are, things happen and then they are over, there shouldn’t be anything to be ashamed about if you find the root cause and turn it into a teaching experience.”
What can you do while you are single again? Spend time crying and mourning, but know that you will move on, that you will grow, that you will be a more compassionate person, that already are more compassionate because you are recognize and admit to what is going on. The pain of that realization places you in a unique place to empathize with people who usually do not get much empathy. Learn from this experience and place hope in the life experiences that make you happy.

Hi Simone,
As a man who was recently in the situation your fiance is in, this post really helped me gain perspective (and may seem biased, but I tried not to be 🙂 ). I am sorry for all this pain and mess you are going through, and want you to know you are not alone. What I would suggest is may be taking some time off before making that big a decision, there shouldnt be any rush in the matters of the heart.
Other option you could actually explore is to put in more into your relationship with your fiance, even if you are unsure, if you still see a spark in there. Go all in with him, dissect the relationship and see if the differences are reconcilable, may be use counseling or spiritual guidance. He must be hurt, but there is nothing that a heartfelt apology and a willingness to delve deeper into the relationship issues will not fix, who knows, may be you guys will have a stronger bond coming out of this.
if you dont see a future with the ex, then i would suggest let him go amicably, and wish him well. The other man seems like an escape, he makes you feel better about yourself, because you feel he wouldn’t judge you, however, this may be a manifestation of just not loving yourself enough. The love you feel is plain excitement and attachment. He seems like an escape route you unfortunately and inadvertently planned to avoid facing the real deal. ( ** I just read the part about him having a significant other, I would really suggest stay away from him, this means he is being disrespectful to his partner, you and your partner, think about it, would a male figure you idealize do the same, real men have integrity to not give into immoral situations)
Please take some time off of him and try to find yourself, and nurture the truly beautiful person you are, things happen and then they are over, there shouldn’t be anything to be ashamed about if you find the root cause and turn it into a teaching experience. If you feel comfortable with your own being and are OK with being single, still harbor feelings for the other person, then may be you can start something with him, but not now, when you are so unsure about yourself.
Hopefully you and your fiance will find some peace,
with love
B