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Trouble in paradise?

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  • #193165
    Malaya
    Participant

    So recently I got with my bff online and started dating him last Saturday. Everything was amazing we called everyday. He loved me and I loved him 24/7. Though now he isn’t talking to me as much. He’s stopped calling me and texting me. He promised we would talk all weekend as he’s been away this week etc. But he always says his family need/want him like I get it bc family comes first. But if I go onto the PlayStation I always find him online but he hasn’t texted me yet, I check my phone all the time so he isn’t left unheard but he never checks his (am I too obsessesive?) He doesn’t even listen to my problems, halfway through my rant he would scream “nooo I dead” or “ohohohoh I’m so close to dead” as he’s a gamer and sometimes doesn’t apologise. I’m a very clingy and needy gf I like attention from my bf and it’s much harder online. I don’t feel like I’m being heard and if I am idk. Anyways am I reading too far into this, like am I asking for too much? Has the lovey dovey moment ended already? I feel lonely and sad recently and now not having a BFF it’s rlly hard. Did I jump too far into this relationship? And we more of a BFF couple? Help!!!

    #193207
    Isabelle
    Participant

    Ask Anita or E to help you they are experts

    #193225
    Mark
    Participant

    Malaya,

    How old are you?  Is this BFF a virtual friend and you never met him in person?

    Note that you are aware of being very clingy and needy.

    It sounds like you have identified what you need to do if you want to feel better about the lost relationship and yourself, i.e. work on being more emotionally secure and to expand out your social circle.  You may do well in having in person friends along with those you connect with online.

    Mark

    #193229
    JRM
    Participant

    Hi Malaya,

    I think you pretty much answer you own questions by asking them.  You are quite aware of what’s going on as far as you and your bff’s personalities and how they mesh.  What you aren’t considering though, it seems to me, is that your awareness is an asset to be used and not just some noise in the background.  Who you are and what you want and who he is and what he wants are not just aspects of your relationship to be worked around, they are the key factors that form the base upon which your relationship is founded.  They come first, before the details about whether he calls you or not or whether he pays attention to his game or to you or how often he texts you etc.  Sure, those details are clues as to how you guys are feeling about yourself, each other and your shared relationship.  But they are not the reason for you two to engage in a romantic partnership.  You say that you are “clingy” and “needy.”  Big red flag there in my eyes since neither of those particular traits are going to really serve you well in a solid, positive, mature relationship.  My advice would be to take a step back and try to honestly determine what it is you want in a relationship.  That way you can gain some insight into who you are in terms of what it is you value, which will go a long way toward helping you to be happy.  Certainly, you will make mistakes because that is how we all learn, but those mistakes don’t have to hurt as much or be as confusing when you can confidently stand by your own choices without questioning why you made them because you made them.

    Aside from all that, you guys have been dating for a week, I think is what you are saying.  Let that sink in and then think about how the emotions you are feeling so strongly and letting yourself become so preoccupied with are generated from a week of being with your bff.  Sure, a lot can happen in a week and you can learn tons in that period of time but as far as relationships go, or your life for that matter, it’s not a whole lot of time.  Step back, learn about yourself, learn about your boyfriend, look into your questions and try to find the answers that you have already woven into them.  I believe you know much more that you think you do.  Listen to this inner knowledge and go spend some time teaching yourself how to hear it more clearly.  Things have a way of falling into their correct places and once they do, often it is the case that we already knew, to some degree or other, what those places are and were letting ourselves get confused and upset out of habit, trust in that.

    #193255
    Malaya
    Participant

    Mark- I’m 17 he’s 18 and yes I have never met him in real life.  By clingy and needy I mean when he is with me I like it if he would talk to me when we are together. If he is away yes I may call him bc his notifications are on to let him know I’m awake or back etc bc he said to do so but when he is away I just miss him etc I don’t spam him unless he’s online bc I’m just annoying like that and he said he doesn’t care he thinks it’s funny.

    JRM-I believe you are right that I should take a step back. I jump into frivolous relationships but most of the time this happens as the guy has confessed to me. I never confess first but they do. And I feel bad rejecting them bc most likely they are my best friends which is the problem with girl boy friendships especially online. Are you saying to leave and gather myself? Or stay find out who he is and if he’s right for me?

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