Welcome to the forum Joanna.

Unfortunately I do not have any answers for you however I can relate closely to the story you have shared. I have had a crazy past few months, back in June / July I lost everything, my whole life as I knew it. My job, my relationship, and a person very very dear to me.. I have been struggling ever since and have found it extremely hard to deal with the trauma left behind.

I would like to follow your thread closely as I feel you may get some very good responses here. The tiny Buddha community is very insightful and supportive!

I hope you get all of the answers that you need 🙂

if I go through life always trying to do the right thing, why do I keep getting all this stuff back?

I’ve always struggled with the idea behind the theology of reward and punishment which as you ask is a belief that if I do all the ‘right things’ obey all the rules I will be rewarded. Such notions do not exist in nature where the rain falls on the “good”  and the “bad”.

Then there is the idea of “the Secret” where like attracts like, so if I’m positive, positive things will happen to me. The rub being that I must to my very core be “positive” which requires that I do the work to “”Know my Self” which requires embracing the negative and the positive within our selves. Misunderstood  we end up putting on the face of positively pretending all is well when we are hurting.

Or Karma mistakenly  associated with Justice. Good things must happen to good people bad things to bad people as that only fair. If I desire that “karma” will punish those that have harmed me… what karma am I putting into play?

I think it should be enough to do what is right because you feel it is right and that that is who you are. There are no mistakes other then those we don’t learn from. Learn better, do better what more can you ask of yourself?

Positivity is great however if your suppressing your feelings in order to do so that is not positivity.

One day the farmer’s horse ran away. His neighbor hears of his bad news and comes over to commiserate.
“I hear that you lost your horse. That is bad news and bad luck.” “Well, who knows?” said the farmer, “Maybe it is and maybe it isn’t.”

Well, the next day the farmer’s horse returns to his stable, but it has brought along a drove of wild horses
it has befriended and who make themselves at home. The neighbor across the way can’t believe what he hears about his friend. He decides to come over and congratulate him. “This is such goodness,” he says. “Well, who knows,” said the farmer, “Maybe it is and maybe it isn’t.”

The next day the farmer’s son decided to ride one of the new wild horses, to break it in. As luck would have it, the son was thrown from the horse and broke his leg. Of course, upon hearing this sad news, their neighbor came over to offer condolences. “This is such sad thing,” he said. “Your son has broken his leg. This is bad news.” “Well, who knows,” said the farmer. “Maybe it is and maybe it isn’t.”

On the following day soldiers came by commandeering and army. They took sons from most of the surrounding farms, but because the farmer’s son had a broken leg, he could not go and was spared. And well, maybe it was good news and maybe it wasn’t. Who knows what is good and what is not.

• This reply was modified 5 years, 11 months ago by Peter.

Joanna, one thing you must know is that even though positive thinking sometimes attracts positive experiences, it doesn’t mean that you won’t have negative experiences if you are a positive thinker. Many forces besides your thinking affect whatever you experience, and that’s why we invented the word ‘fate’. your positive thinking cannot stop an insect from biting you and neither can it stop a lion from attacking you…But it can help you persevere hardships because it gives you hope..therefore, continue being positive and GO WITH FLOW..Accept whatever happens and try to deal with it in a positive mindset…and also know that some people will always treat you the way you don’t want because everybody lives in his or her personal dream…therefore, my advice to you is JUST BE TOUGH, KEEP STANDING, embrace whatever life throws at you, and stop interacting with these folks that treat you badly…and sorry for the loss of your family…you have gone through a lot and you’re tough,,,so continue being tough

find me at www.unboundedwisdom.com or papawriter1@gmail.com

Joanna,

Your post keeps resonating with me. I know first hand what it’s like when you feel you are somwhat trying to progress the best way you can and more bad things keep happening – almost like a never ending cycle.

I too hope for that cosmic break which will enable me to move forward with my life and find joy again!

I am just trying to find some inner peace, by understanding why each day almost is a lesson in suffering.

The first noble truths in Buddhism is the truth of suffering. The reality is that Life is momentum – Life requiring the sacrifice of Life. Life eats Life, that is its wonder and horror. Awesome in the true meaning of the word.

You are correct then in your realization that each day is a lesson in suffering. The next question is what are you learning? What will your answer to Life be?

There are three ways that the wisdom traditions relate to The Truth that life eats life.

1. Affirmation and gratitude for life as it is, the good and the bad
2. Denial – No… Life is something that should not be. Stop the cycle and let me off
3. We can fix it… Life is a war between Good and Evil and we can fix it.

How you answer that reality for yourself will affect the way in which you relate to suffering. Will you fight life, or will you enter into the flow of Life? How much of the intensity of our suffering is created by our resistance to life?

Surely as it gets too much, a cosmic break would enable me to be of more service to others?

How are you measuring service? Everything you are and do is in service to Life (as it is) even as you suffer, create suffering and heal suffering.

There is some suffering that we create for ourselves. Usually it involves control and the poor judgment of good and bad.

Jung argued that one of the tasks of becoming required the individual to come to terms with the problem of opposites. As many of the wisdom traditions suggest when you take a close look at what appear to be opposites they disappear. The good and the not something to be separated but something that exist in each other. They are not two sides of a coin but the coin itself, the opposites, the good and the bad intimately entangled… disappear. The coin is a coin. Life is Life, as it must be and it is Yes.

Once you let go of the need to control and define life and find a way to engage in the flow you will be a service to others. It might not look like what you imagine, and you may not be recognized for it, but it will be enough… as you let all that go as well.

There is an old joke about a guy stranded on top of the roof of his home after a flood. The guy prays to his god to save him as various boats come by to rescue him. The guy refuses saying he is waiting on his god to save him and eventuality he dies. When he faces his judgment he accuses his god as failing him to which the god replied I sent you the boats you just didn’t get in.

I think what happens is that we expect our meaning, purpose, relationships, service to look a certain way and so refuse to get in the “boat” and engage in life as it shows up.

There is a quote from T.S Eliot “We shall not cease from exploration, and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time.”

I suspect that we are always where we need to be in order to get to where were going. We only have to let go of our expectations of how we think life should show up for us to be able to see our path is the one we were already on.

An instructor of a dance class I took made the self evident comment that whatever foot you are on is the right foot because it’s the only place you can start from to move to the next. Yet so many in the dance class would stop whenever we “made a mistake” when in dancing the only mistake is to stop.