I turn 27 in a few weeks, and lately I’ve been reflecting on how lonely adult life can feel, even when you’re surrounded by people. At work, I don’t really connect with anyone. Most colleagues are 15–20 years older, and while I have a Master’s degree, many only have a high school diploma. We have nothing in common, and sometimes it feels like they’re in a rowdy dorm rather than a professional environment — the people from reception literally go into the other employees’ lounge to hang out and be loud and unruly. Despite all this, it still hurts to feel excluded.

I’m still single, and while I have lots of acquaintances, my real friends are few and far between. I feel like my younger self from 10 years ago would be disappointed: in college, everyone insisted I’d have the time of my life and meet like-minded people because “people are so much mature and accepting than in high school”, but that sadly never happened no matter how hard I tried to put myself out there. Although high school had plenty of bullying and drama, I was fortunate enough to find kind, accepting peers I actually clicked with whereas college was junior high on steroids. Despite everyone trying to promise me things would get better in college they never did. Being a social outcast in college helped me appreciate the few truly good friends I found in earlier stages of life — childhood, my teen years, and people I met after college.

I’m trying to put myself out there in new ways. Recently, I joined a choir to meet people and build connections in a space where I feel more aligned. It’s only the second session, and I already feel a bit out of place. I want to make new friends and feel like I belong somewhere, but it’s hard when the first attempts feel awkward. In college, I gave up too quickly when I didn’t immediately click with people in my immediate proximity although that alone does not guarantee friendship. Now, I’m approaching social situations with patience and self-compassion — letting connections develop naturally rather than forcing them. I hope things improve soon.