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anita.
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September 4, 2025 at 3:18 am #449283
Calm MoonParticipantHey there!
I’m Calm Moon, and I’ve been looking for a job for a few months. I decided to leave my last job because it was impossible to handle all the negativity, overwhelming responsibilities, and lack of boundaries. I lost weight and became high alert. Now, after a few months, I’m struggling a bit with my financial situation and dealing with fears that I won’t be able to keep up with my expenses. I have a few job options, but some of them are in similar organizations to my previous one.
When I left my job, my goal was to find a well-paying job with normal, fixed hours in an international environment. Right now, I have one such option. I went through the interview and completed the technical task. They are currently conducting interviews with other candidates, and the final interview should be in 1-2 weeks.
I’m just a bit overwhelmed with everything going on in my life that requires money. I’m also applying for a Master’s program abroad and trying to get a scholarship. I decided to write here to stay focused and to remind myself that I’m doing okay and not being lazy. My brain is constantly on, and I’m finding it difficult to concentrate on anything right now. Thank you!
September 4, 2025 at 12:20 pm #449329
anitaParticipantDear Calm Moon:
Good to read from you again! Been very busy today, will reply by tomorrow!
Anita
September 4, 2025 at 8:32 pm #449343anitaParticipantDear Calm Moon,
Leaving a job that drained you—physically, emotionally, and energetically—was not a failure. It was a powerful act of self-protection. The toll it took on your body speaks volumes, and the fact that you’re still showing up, still applying, still dreaming of something better? That’s resilience.
The job opportunity you described sounds aligned with the vision you set for yourself. Even if the outcome isn’t certain yet, the fact that you’re moving toward it with intention matters deeply.
And applying for a Master’s program abroad while managing financial stress? That’s a lot for one nervous system to hold. It makes sense that your mind feels constantly “on.” You’re carrying multiple layers of uncertainty, and still showing up.
So let this be your reminder: You are not behind. You are not failing. You are not lazy. You are doing the hard work of rebuilding with care and discernment.
If it helps, you might anchor yourself with a mantra like: “I am allowed to move slowly. I am allowed to protect my peace. I am allowed to choose what aligns.”
Sending you steadiness and respect as you move through this next chapter. You’re doing beautifully.
Warmly, Anita
September 5, 2025 at 1:26 pm #449382Calm MoonParticipantDear Anita,
You can’t imagine how much your support uplifts me. Thank you for seeing my efforts and not only results. I live in a culture where only end result is seen and appreciated. Today I was thinking about taking a job which does not align with me and very similar to the previous work environment. But after your words, I again returned to my initial purpose and direction. Your support means a lot.
Take care!
Calm Moon
September 9, 2025 at 5:51 am #449538
AlessaParticipantHi Calm Moon
Yes, it was very healthy and brave of you to leave your previous workplace. I’m sorry to hear that you are worried about your finances. Good luck with your job search, I hope you find something that suits your needs soon! Try to remember to take care of yourself and relax. It sounds like you are doing your best. ❤️
November 10, 2025 at 2:44 am #451693Calm MoonParticipantHi dear Anita and Alessa,
I want to express my gratitude for your support and kind words! I have found a job and like it so far! I wish you both all the goodness!
Take care!
November 10, 2025 at 8:50 am #451703anitaParticipantHi Calm Moon:
Good to read from you this Mon morning- in this thread and in James’s threads!
You are very welcome, and thank you for your gratitude and good wishes 🙏
You wrote: “I have found a job and like it so far!”- congratulations!
.. Yet keeping with James’s words in his thread “When nothing is Mine”, this new job is not yours, and there’s no “I” to like or dislike it?
And this release of ownership and the “I”‘s attachment to it, the fear of losing it, perhaps.. That should keep Calm Moon calm 🙂?
🤍 Anita
January 23, 2026 at 7:14 pm #454473anitaParticipantHow are you, Calm Moon 🌙?
February 16, 2026 at 2:10 am #455259Calm MoonParticipantHi Anita!
How are you? Thank you for remembering me!
I’m doing fine! I really like what I am doing right now. I love my colleagues and the project I’m working on. However, I feel that I am underpaid and that I need to talk with my seniors about a raise. I find it interesting that I am usually underpaid from one job to the next. I do not know why I repeat the same pattern again and again.
I also feel a need to prepare for a new relationship. Before, I was so busy with life that I didn’t have the resources to meet someone. Now, I feel that I really want to have a family of my own. My biggest weakness is that I am very strict with myself and those around me. I also believed deeply that I needed to be perfect to be loved. This was a revelation to me, and I’m trying to work on it. As humans, we are never perfect—and that is beautiful.
My childhood friend told me that he had always wanted to approach me in high school, but he was afraid that I would reject him. He told me that I always radiated an energy that suggested I didn’t need anyone. He told me all of this a decade after we finished high school! ))). Right now, I think how I must be radiating that whole my life and not being aware of it. On the other hand, I think I just haven’t met anyone I really wanted to be with. I have always loved what I do. So, when there were potential partners, but I did not feel that my life with them would be better than being alone, I rejected them.
February 16, 2026 at 3:09 pm #455272anitaParticipantDear Calm Moon:
I am fine, thank you 🙏 Good reading back from you 🙂
This morning, I went through your posts ever since the first on Oct 16, 2024, exactly one year and 4 months ago.
One thing that stands out so clearly is how much inner work you’ve done and how much you’ve grown 🙂. You moved through loss, burnout, family pressure, difficult work environments, and old emotional patterns — and you’ve done it with so much self-awareness and strength.
It’s really beautiful to see you now in a job you enjoy, surrounded by colleagues you like, and finally feeling ready to build a life that includes love, rest, and reciprocity.
What you’re describing about being underpaid again seems to be part of a long pattern you’re slowly untangling: you grew up carrying responsibilities far beyond your age, solving problems for others, and being the emotional anchor in your family. That kind of childhood teaches a person to work hard, stay quiet about what you feel and need, and take care of everyone else first. It also teaches you to tolerate too much and to underestimate your own value.
So, it makes sense that you’ve often ended up in jobs where you give more than you receive, or where your contributions aren’t adequately recognized. The fact that you’re noticing this pattern now — and wanting to advocate for yourself — is a sign of real healing.
The same is true for relationships. You spent so many years being the strong one, the responsible one, the one who doesn’t need anything. Of course, people saw you as self-sufficient. Of course, potential partners felt intimidated or unsure of how to approach you. You were carrying a lifetime of “I must handle everything myself.”
But now you’re starting to soften that belief. You’re realizing that perfection isn’t required for love, and that needing support doesn’t make you weak — it makes you human. That shift alone opens the door to a very different kind of relationship than the ones you avoided in the past.
What I see in your latest update is someone who is finally ready to receive, not just give. Someone who wants a partner, not another responsibility. Someone who wants to be valued at work, not drained. Someone who is learning to let go of the old belief that she must be perfect or endlessly strong to deserve good things.
You’re not repeating the past — you’re rewriting it. And the fact that you’re thinking about asking for a raise, about a future family, and choosing environments that feel healthy shows that you’re already moving into a new chapter.
What I think you need more of are boundaries (with your mother and with everyone else), rest, reciprocity (to receive, not just to give), allowing yourself to need, to be imperfect, to say no, to stop rescuing. A partner who is emotionally mature, a job where you are valued and paid fairly, and most importantly- to learn that you are allowed to be human, not a savior.
You’re doing so well, Calm Moon. Keep trusting the part of you that wants a fuller, more supported life. It’s leading you somewhere good.
🤍Anita
February 16, 2026 at 5:40 pm #455273anitaParticipantOn a more personal note, Calm Moon: as I read through our communication today, I was amazed by how much we have in common, although decades apart.
Seems like we both, growing up, had mothers who were really still needy children who needed a mother themselves.
We grew up with wounded children who happened to birth us.
We never got to be children because we were born to children in adult form.
It is only within the last few years that I FINALLY feel like a child. It is so strange when I feel this way and then look in the mirror..
A lifetime has passed feeling old when I was 5, 15, 25.. and then a few decades later, feeling like a child for the first time that I can remember.
The damage a mother who is still a child does to her daughter is.. heartbreaking.
A child, a daughter is not equipped to mother her mother, to parent her, not yet being mothered herself.
I didn’t give birth to my mother, yet she.. expected me to.. no, I expected myself to stabilize her, to calm her, to make her okay because no one else did.
Parentification, Role Reversal- we talked about it, well I did in my very first response to you, or second?
I think that you’re in your 30s. And last I read from you regarding your mother-child was that she was living away from you, with a sibling of yours? You felt back then a combination of relief and guilt.
I hope that you’re still living away from her at a distance.
Isn’t it amazing? How much we love our mothers/daughters, how we’d do anything for her.. while she pouts and complains perhaps that we’re not doing enough, or not doing it perfectly?
While all along roles have been Reversed and we were Robbed of our childhood.
I know I speak of “we” and “our” and I am sure our experiences are not 100% identical, but they are pretty similar (and there’s nothing “pretty” about it 😉)
It’s exciting that you’re thinking of having a partner and your own family. An equal partner (not one for you to parent), but something new, like in team work.. raising children perhaps, children who get this precious chance to be children?
🤍 Anita
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Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine.