- This topic has 24 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 2 weeks, 1 day ago by
anita.
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June 17, 2026 at 11:39 pm #458706
Calm MoonParticipantHi dear Anita! It has been a long time since I last came here. I hope you and your family are doing well!
I have been doing fine recently. A few days ago, I talked to my seniors about a pay raise. It took me four months to prepare for it, but I finally feel a sense of relief. Partly because I no longer have to constantly think about it, and partly because I am being true to myself and others. They seemed to be a little irritated by the request, but I realized that I do not have to be the ‘good, invisible’ person from now on.
At first, I was afraid that by expressing my needs, I would be unloved. I think that is my deepest fear. This was almost the first time I have been entirely direct and honest about what I need. Yes, the fear was there, but I could no longer bear making myself small. My seniors seemed a little pissed off, probably because they have many other things going on in their lives. But I do not want to carry their burden; I already have my own. Strangely, I feel very good about not being ‘likable’ in this situation. It is such a relief not to have to be perfect for anyone. It is strangely beautiful—something I have never felt before.
Regarding your last questions, I would say that my faith helps me release control. I acknowledge that Allah SWT (God) is always in control of everything; the sun rises, and night falls. He provides all good things, all the time, for everyone—from birth and even before birth. So why worry about the tiny things? How do I know that the things I perceive as negative are not actually hidden blessings?
June 18, 2026 at 9:07 am #458711
anitaParticipantHi dear Calm Moon 🌙
Congratulations for asking for a pay raise! 🥳
I am positively impressed by your high level of self- awareness, and by you being guided by deep values (“being true to myself and others”) more than by fear.
I do not have to be ‘good, invisible’ person from now on”- 👍👍👍
When “good” is no longer tied to being “invisible”- that’s true healing.
Good and Visible is a new way of life, isn’t it?
I want to respond further a bit later. This is an amazing update, Calm Moon. It makes my day 😊
✨️🌿✨️ Anita
June 18, 2026 at 1:05 pm #458721anitaParticipantHi again, Calm Moon 🌙
Reading your update, I can really see how much you have grown. What stands out to me is that you acted from your adult self, not from the old role of being the “good, invisible” girl. You felt the fear of being unloved, yet you still spoke honestly about your needs — that is a major shift.
You also saw that your seniors’ irritation belongs to them, not to you, which shows healthier boundaries and less emotional over‑responsibility.
And the relief you describe — that “strangely beautiful” feeling — is what happens when a person becomes visible without danger. It’s a sign that something deep inside you is changing.
Your faith seems to support this shift too, helping you release the old habit of carrying what isn’t yours.
In general (I am writing this not only for you, but for myself), “carrying what isn’t yours” means taking responsibility for other people’s emotions, reactions, burdens, or life problems as if they were your own. It’s when a child absorbs a parent’s sadness, anger, shame, instability, or unmet needs and believes she must fix them — even though they were never hers to solve.
As adults, this shows up as feeling guilty when someone else is upset and adjusting yourself: softening your voice, over‑explaining, apologizing unnecessarily, or avoiding asking for what you need, so they won’t feel discomfort, or if a friend looks sad, you might rush to cheer them up even when you’re exhausted, because their sadness feels like something you must fix.
Healing means gently handing those burdens back — recognizing that other people’s feelings, stress, and life path are theirs, not yours, and that your job is only to carry what truly belongs to you.
Altogether, your update is a strong and steady healing direction. I’m very happy for you 🌿✨
“He provides all good things, all the time, for everyone” — I like that! It’s only recently that I’m making it a daily practice to notice those good things and express gratitude.
🌙🤍🤲 Anita
June 27, 2026 at 11:23 am #458938
HoParticipantHi Calm Moon,
Thank you for sharing your journey so openly. I just wanted to say that leaving an unhealthy work environment takes a lot of courage, especially when money and future plans are also on your mind.
What stood out to me is that you kept returning to your original intention: a healthier job, clearer boundaries, and a life that feels more aligned with who you are. That is not laziness at all. It sounds like you have been rebuilding with a lot of self-awareness.
I also really resonated with the idea of allowing yourself to be human instead of trying to be strong all the time. Sometimes progress is not about having everything figured out quickly, but about learning to choose peace, rest, and healthier environments step by step.
Wishing you continued clarity, fair recognition at work, and a path that supports both your practical needs and your inner peace.
July 24, 2026 at 9:27 pm #459595anitaParticipantThinking about you this Friday night, Calm Moon. Any hidden blessings lately ( referring to the closing of your last post, June 17 🙂)
🌿 Anita
October 5, 2026 at 1:18 am #461352Calm MoonParticipantHi Anita! How are you and your family? I remember you were worried last time.
I made a big leap and asked for a rise in payment. Although I received negative reaction, I stood up for myself gently. This situation taught me a lot. People can misunderstand me, be unsupportive, but I do not need everyone’s approval. It feels very liberating.
I also started to take care of myself more. I pay attention to my health. I take rests when my body needs.
I have a paying job now which I like. But because they delayed my payment rise, I think of starting my own side gig. It feels scary to start and I do not know exactly what it could be. But first time in my life, I want a decent life. I want to make a choice to live as an adult. Not trying to please everyone but doing things from wholeness and make my cup to be filled first. So, I want my side gig to fill my own cup so when I am full, I can share with the world.
I also notice how sometimes it is easy for me to get into the victim position in my head. Something like, “other people had a different childhood etc, that is why we differ and now I can’t do that or I’m not this”. I catch myself on this and I want to free myself from it. Did you have such times too, Anita?
October 5, 2026 at 11:06 am #461359anitaParticipantHi Calm Moon 🙂
Good to read from you this Monday, late morning! Congrats for standing up for yourself and asking for a raise 👏
And for thinking about starting your own side gig even though it’s scary 👏
I’ll reply further later.
Anita
October 5, 2026 at 8:02 pm #461373anitaParticipantGood Monday evening (here), Calm Moon:
Thank you for asking. I’m well, taking life one day at a time.. because that’s really all we have.
I also pray every day and make it a daily practice to thank God for positive things happening every day.. and for waking up in the morning to a new day.. one day at a time.
You wrote: “I do not need everyone’s approval. That’s very liberating.”-
I need to practice this very thing more. Thank you, Calm Moon!
You wrote that you want your side gig to fill your own cup before thinking about filling other people’s cups, that is, before thinking about how you can help others. Did I understand?
I like this attitude very much, and it makes sense. It makes sense to help yourself first.
Calm Moon deserves to be helped first, to be prioritized- for a change.
About getting into the victim position in my life, saying something like: ‘I can’t do what others can because of my (limiting) childhood compared to theirs’-
🤔 (thinking, pondering)
Well, I didn’t place myself in the victim position growing up (my childhood). I was truly a victim. Like many others.
Like you.
We didn’t choose a victim position. I don’t think victims choose to be victims.
And it’s also true that as adults, once we understand things better, once we gain clarity- it’s our jobs, our responsibility to heal, to fill our on cups first- for a change- and to make it a daily practice.. one day at a time.
Please let me know if I answered your question and if I make sense to you 🙂
Anita
October 6, 2026 at 5:33 am #461381Calm MoonParticipantHi Anita!
Thank you for sharing! Yes, I was in my childhood. But as an adult I can take full responsibility for my present and my choices. But as you have said we did not choose to be victims in our childhood. It was a reality. Totally agree.
October 6, 2026 at 10:38 am #461391anitaParticipantYou are inspiring, Calm Moon! I would love to read updates from you every once in a while- about work, the possible side-gig.. about anything you’d feel comfortable talking about here.
Anita
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