Hi dear Anita! It has been a long time since I last came here. I hope you and your family are doing well!

I have been doing fine recently. A few days ago, I talked to my seniors about a pay raise. It took me four months to prepare for it, but I finally feel a sense of relief. Partly because I no longer have to constantly think about it, and partly because I am being true to myself and others. They seemed to be a little irritated by the request, but I realized that I do not have to be the ‘good, invisible’ person from now on.

At first, I was afraid that by expressing my needs, I would be unloved. I think that is my deepest fear. This was almost the first time I have been entirely direct and honest about what I need. Yes, the fear was there, but I could no longer bear making myself small. My seniors seemed a little pissed off, probably because they have many other things going on in their lives. But I do not want to carry their burden; I already have my own. Strangely, I feel very good about not being ‘likable’ in this situation. It is such a relief not to have to be perfect for anyone. It is strangely beautiful—something I have never felt before.

Regarding your last questions, I would say that my faith helps me release control. I acknowledge that Allah SWT (God) is always in control of everything; the sun rises, and night falls. He provides all good things, all the time, for everyone—from birth and even before birth. So why worry about the tiny things? How do I know that the things I perceive as negative are not actually hidden blessings?