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Trying To Find Meaning

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  • #139317
    Niki
    Participant

    I met this wonderful man online. We instantly connected and the chemistry grew so strong it was unbelievable! We talked for two weeks and met twice. For some background, I am 21 and he is 24. Mind you, he is also what I like to call my first ever REAL date. I had never seriously dated someone before, I have just met friends casually and then called it off because of not being ready to get involved and so I was very cautious this time around.

    Our first meeting was a bit awkward and I almost didn’t want to meet him again. But he seemed to have liked me which was a bit surprising given how awkward we both were. I decided to give us another chance and we continued to talk. We grew more connected with each other and both really liked each other. He met me again for Valentine’s Day. We had a fairytale date! He came to pick me up, brought a rose, we walked around downtown and he kissed me under the CN Tower. We were both so happy to be together and even made plans to meet up again because I had my reading week in college the next week. We didn’t want to say goodbye but unfortunately the night had to come to an end.

    Here is when the scary part begins. He went home and there was a big fight with his family. He lives with his parents and works from home for his father’s family business because he has to take care of his paralyzed grandfather. He hinted before that staying home was taking a toll on him but maintained a strong front. His absence from home upset his family so he decided that he needs to realign his priorities and spend more time with helping them out. He has also been going for therapy since he is depressed. After Valentine’s Day we didn’t talk so much and he didn’t tell me of all these problems right away. I worried a little that maybe our relationship was coming to an end so I jokingly messaged him saying, “I thought you had had enough of me haha”. He replied saying, “lol not just yet”. This made me think that maybe he is just stressed so I backed off and let him be. The last thing I wanted to do was seem pushy or needy. Then finally he decided to tell me that we cannot take this further and explained all the reasons why. He made it very clear that he isn’t in a place to be with anyone right now. There was no room for convincing, it was a simple and clear break.

    I know that he didn’t end things because there was something wrong with us. We were perfect and happy. We both wanted to be together. I understand all his troubles in life and that sometimes the timing is just not right. I cannot resent him for making the decision that he did because I would have done the same. I just cannot seem to bring myself to accept that such a beautiful relationship is now over. We haven’t spoken since. I miss him dearly and I know he thinks about me too because he keeps up with my social media. I just don’t know if I want to give up hope for us just yet. Do you think he will come back when he is in a better place in life? I have heard that they always come back… I am trying very hard to stay optimistic. I just don’t know how relationships work at all! I wish him the best and am trying to live my life to the fullest but I can’t help but relive the memories of that day all the time. I would really appreciate anyone’s advice on how to process this.

    #139341
    Peter
    Participant

    Whats love got to do with it? Everything yet love does not mean a relationship is meant to last.

    Have you seen the movie La La Land? sometimes relationships are not meant for that ending we might have imagined. Fate Destiny…  and or does Life  demand that we grow of which relationships are a tool, and that sometimes the lessons we need to learn will only be looked for through the pain of a relationship ending.  I do not understand why this is so, why we can’t learn our lessons when life is as we imagined, but for most people we are like a young bird that needs to be pushed out of the nest.

    I found the following book helpful when I asked similar questions to those you are asking yourself.

    ‘How to Be an Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving’ by David Richo

     

    #139343
    Niki
    Participant

    Thank you, Peter. I really appreciate your opinion.

    #139387
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Niki:

    He is 24, lives and works from home so to take care of his paralyzed grandfather as well as financially support his parents. His parents were unhappy that he went on a date because they want him at home all the time. Am I correct?

    You wrote: “I cannot resent him for making the decision that he did because I would have done the same.”-

    Do you mean that you believe it is right to keep a young person enslaved to his/ her parents and grandfather?

    If you believe that, for how long is it right to keep a young person at home to take care of his elders?

    anita

     

     

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