Oh boy,

Since beginning of May, this breakup has been rough. It feels like it’s been so long but it really hasn’t. The break up began because I had enough of the opposite schedule, my stress of school, feeling like I was the only one putting in efforts, him going on late after work. We lived together then I had to move home to finish my last semester, he showed he could handle this when I always feared it would break up apart…which I manifested into truth I assume.

I ended up In a rage one night because I knew he was being dishonest about using cocaine, I still don’t know how frequent it was but I saw a ya t that confirmed twice. I lost it..but unraveled much more. He never added to the conversation, didn’t console me, just said he never gave me a reason to be insecure. He also said I was needy and controlling. I wasn’t I just wanted him to call and FaceTime without me asking.

Since this, May was all back and forth mixed messages “I hope you’re doing well” “you seem to be happier without me” June was half of the same “hope you’re doing well” “maybe we should see each other soon”, beginning of July I was told he is on tinder. Two days ago he he texted “I hope you’ve been well”…I asked him to stop reaching out if he cannot have a proper conversation about the issues in the break up. He proceeded to name call, tell me he doesn’t care about me or want o be back in my life, he just was reminded of me because all the mail was addressed to me.

i am in therapy, I am working through this. I just wish he wasn’t so emotionally closed off because we truly loved each other so much and I still believe if he would just admit he’s faults, something would change. I know that’s not the way to think so I’m trying to allow myself to move on. It’s just hard thinking “why did he reach out to days ago” if I didn’t answer emotionally, would there have been a conversation? Most likely not… but what do you do when someone you love cannot speak about the issues at hand but reach out like you’ve just gotten out of surgery?