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unable to decide what to do!!

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  • #58907
    hema
    Participant

    hi,

    iam struggling myself to get into path…..though i studied engineering and have done software course i didnt get into job and i got married. my husband says it ok if u dont work when we are good financially….but when its crunch time he says its better if u have done software job….i sometimes prepare myself to do the job and if an opportunity is out and its not in the city where we reside then…my husband objects that then we have to live separately…and i’m also not keen on leaving the house…..this has been the scenario from past 5 years and now i’m 31 trying to concieve a baby(its not happening naturally…) i kind of lost interest but there is this feeling that i need to have financial support inorder to provide for our child if i get pregnant…

    im not brooding over past for lost chances….but its like i dont know anything else to do….if i learned something then its software and too much gap is there to start now…have some debts to clear…my husband is devoted and takes care of me very well….if i tell him that i will take up part time job….he says…so software job or else its ok take care of home….sometimes i feel like he never lets me take my own choice…and i realise no one can really stop if i want to do something…but i feel i became still and nothing is forwarding in life…we are adjusting every year clearing old debts creating new…he earns and pays every penny to clear debts and frustration when not enough…im not helping financially though i do rest of house work bill payments and maintain daily chores….

    if any suggestions for me to create earning life for me…pls give advice
    thanks
    hema

    #59077
    Vineet
    Participant

    Hi Hema,

    The situation in which you are, is not so rare. Its a part of so many of our’s life. Most importantly ” i feel i became still and nothing is forwarding in life..” this is just a state of mind and not the reality. You will have to stop telling this to yourself. Life goes still only once, at the end. Its still moving but not exactly on the right track(or the way you want it..). A little fine tuning is required. That’s it..

    I think if I got it right than your husband wants you to do only software job, but you are not actually sure of it. For this, you have not be in touch with your domain, so you fear of not getting a right job. But I doubt, First of all ask a question to yourself, “Do you want to go for a software job? ” or you don’t want to go for it and being afraid of it. It may confuse you more, but sometimes its required to get into more deep to come up with a simple answer. If the answer is ‘yes’ , and you actually want to go for it(and don’t want to leave your place). Then spend some time with you, find your interest in which field you want to go. Once decided go for some free( less expensive) online courses for the same. Once you started regaining your confidence try for the jobs in your same city. During the training, you can go for some freelancing work(start with small assignments). That you can do from home, may be something like paid blogging, web development, animation, online promotions.. there are so many options for you to try out. Once you find your interest, it will be easy for you to find a regular job.

    Now, If your answer is ‘no’ or ‘don’t know’ for my aforementioned question. Then don’t go for a software job and try to find what actually you want to do? Once you will find your actual interest money will not be a problem. Because you always give your heart to what you want to do. Even if you will end up doing S/W job without your interest, you will be in bigger soup. After few months you will find yourself stressed and stuck again in somewhere, where you don’t belong to. In this exercise your biggest challenge is to convince your husband. Sit with him and try to make him understand that s/w is not something which I actually want. As of now Financial security is the main concern for you, which can be coped up with the work you actually want to do. May be teaching, training or something artistic..

    Hard time always gives you an opportunity to test your limits. You should not think ” what should I not do to make this situation worst? ” but think about ” What should I do to make this situation better?”

    At the end you are not at all still, you are giving a thought for how can you make your condition better and this indicates you are ‘progressive’. Be open to your husband, talk to him about your thoughts and try to solve the situation together. Neither you nor him alone can do anything about it being in a ‘family’.

    Remember, hard time is just a phase. All the best!!

    Thanks!!

    Vineet

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