This time a year ago I was in a loving long term relationship. We had big plans to move abroad together and for the most part I felt very protected and loved within the relationship (and thought he did too). However, eight months ago he split up with me without warning and I was devastated. A week later, he told me he had made a mistake and pleaded for forgiveness. But in that moment that he broke up with me I no longer trusted him and could no longer view him in the same way/feel love for him like I had. So I said no.

Fast forward to now and I have moved abroad alone regardless. I have a great friend group and also met a nice a guy – but we jumped into a short lived fling despite both generally being monogamous relationship types of people (he had also emerged from a painful relationship recently). The fling itself was wonderful – even though it was casual, I felt desired and protected and happy for a short period. Then the guy became VERY distant and stopped speaking to me for a while, telling his friend that he worried I would “want more”. He also expressed feeling guilty for having a fling because he usually only slept with people he was in a relationship with. I felt truly rejected and terrible about this until I went on a meditative retreat and realised that I was not over my ex and needed to heal first anyway.

But still…I have been unable to let go of this guy. We talk every so often, to see how each other are doing etc, but while holding the other person at arm’s length. However, as we share mutual friends, I am likely to spend more time with him again soon.

Since I have started practicing yoga and mindfulness regularly, I am finding that memories of my break up are coming back suddenly and vividly. I’ll be sitting drinking tea and suddenly recall the moment that I realised how deeply in love I was falling with my ex – this memory has surround sound and it’s like I can practically hear and feel everything. Even insignificant memories like walking down a corridor in his house pop into my mind. What is going on? And is there any possibility that I am feeling stuck and unable to move on from the recent man because I’m trying to avoid facing the healing from my last relationship?