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Kat

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  • #279773

    Kat
    Participant

    The other issue I do want to find a partner in the next couple of years if I can. If he isn’t in a place to give much to a relationship because he’s too busy trying to look after himself, is there a chance?

    In that case it would make more sense to keep him as a friend (taking the pressure off him) and date others. As you can tell I’m very confused and am seeking advice while I figure out the answer.

    • This reply was modified 1 week, 2 days ago by  Kat.
    #279765

    Kat
    Participant

    Hi Kkasxo, thank you for your thoughtful reply. Could you bear with me & possibly reply to my next answer?

    So I have thought this myself & he even admitted that he thought getting very close to me had become too much. He actually said he felt his feelings for me ‘changed’ after opening up about the abuse. What could I do? It hurt terribly to hear that.

    But now here we are: he’s often in contact, wants to meet every week & clearly cares about me a lot. A key aspect I forgot to mention is that he is moving abroad for a period in a month. This was another aspect of breaking up, as he wasn’t sure about doing LDR & I didn’t want to date an ambivalent man.

    Now that we’re friends, he has asked if I’ll visit him & has asked if he can visit me. So what do I do? On the one hand, he is not ready to be in a relationship because he feels he needs to work through his issues first. Secondly, he was the one that wanted to be ‘friends’. So, do I have a conversation with him before he goes? If we remain friends, my feelings will probably cool and change in time. But I worry that suppressing the romantic part I still feel will mean being inauthentic to myself. At the same time losing him completely is almost too much to bear.

    • This reply was modified 1 week, 2 days ago by  Kat.
    #279617

    Kat
    Participant

    Thanks Mark. I don’t have ‘romantic aspirations’ in the sense that I don’t want to be in a serious LTR with him at the moment. His on-going issues linked to depression and anxiety became difficult to manage (I had to see a counsellor myself to deal with the heaviness of it) and I realised that, as sad as it sounds, I would like a life partner that is in a healthier place if possible. Don’t get me wrong, many of us have things to work through, but this was serious & out of my hands.

    But – we were very close and intimate and that doesn’t stop me from still having loving feelings towards him every so often. He called me tonight to see how I am as I’ve had an unusually horrible week – and I almost said I think we should shelve the friendship for now but then I didn’t! Precisely because I’m afraid to lose him altogether.

    #279599

    Kat
    Participant

    The other thing I forget to mention was that about 2 months into this relationship, I was in a meditation session when out of nowhere a voice said ‘You should just be friends’. I was super annoyed about it at the time because I was in the throes of romance, but now I wonder about it…

    Would appreciate some thoughts anyway. 🙂

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