Dear wildoceanflower:

The combination of feeling angry and powerless is a sickening combination- I know this combination all too well.

You wrote: “People put me down easily and i hate it. But i have never been clever in speech, i can only write.”- this was my experience for a long, long time. I used to replay what people said to me- after the fact- and get angry at myself for not standing up for myself at the time, answering back, in my mind, retroactively, ruminating.

You wrote: “it became normal to me to hear cruel comments and constant rejection”- I still hear those comments. They are replayed in my brain. The people commenting in real life, they have a mental representative in my brain continuing their work. Is it like this for you as well?

anita

Dear wildoceanflower:

Questioning yourself first and backing down instead of standing up for yourself is not a “factory fault”  in you. It is something you were taught and successfully learned. If you stood up for yourself, you suffered negative consequences, so you learned to back down immediately.

I do know that the learning of such things at an early age (those Formative Years) is very powerful, and feels as strong as if it was a … factory fault.

Only it is possible to change such learning with motivation, determination and often enough, when something good happens to allow you the peace of mind and energy to go about it. I wish something good like that happened to you.

anita

* Dear Eliana: I hope you will get a reply from the Original Poster of this thread, wildoceanflower. If you would like input by other members, please start your own thread. Click FORUMS above, choose a CATEGORY, click your chosen category (ex. Relationships), scroll down the page; copy the above post and paste it there.

Thanks, Anita, I actually posted my response because I wanted WildOceanflower to know that there is someone out there like me who can relate. Although, I never met this man in person, I too, envisioned everything with him..marriage, children. I know I shouldn’t have, and like WildOceanflower, there is not a day that goes by where I don’t think about him. My life too, is at a standstill. I had a great life when I met him, then after things were broken off, my life went downhill. I got into a bad car accident. Totalled my beautiful car, for evicted from my three bedroom apartment, now I live in HUD housing, in a small town. Most of my friends have abandoned me.

My father just passed and the last of my family, my 1/2 sister passed last year. I feel lonely, empty, like there is nothing left for me. I am in intensive therapy for all of this and 12 step programs, that are helping. One is for Trauma for now and my neglectful childhood and the other is co-dependent anonymous. Anyway, your posts and advice has been helping me alot and I am rooting for you WildOceanflower. Stay strong. We can do this. Again, I apologize, If I interrupted anything. I am new on here.

Thank you so much Anita. I really appreciate the welcome. Dear Wildoceanflower, I have been thinking about you, and wanted to log in and send you a cyber hug before going to bed. I hope you are okay? I know you don’t know me very well, but I think we have alot on common with this trying to get over a man situation, and it is one of the hardest things I have gone through in a long time.

I wish I had never met him. I think you need to be around a support group of people who are happy and will give you love in a therapeutic environment. I know that my 12 step programs have been a Godsend. They do not have meetings in the small town I live in, I am currently on disability, and don’t have transportation, so I do groups over the phone three times a week. I can give you the phone number to the central headquarters. I think the program will really be a Godsend for you. These are happy, loving people, most of whom have finished all 12 steps. I have a sponsor, you don’t have to have one, but mine has been there for me when I am crying over this man or lonely. There are conventions she takes me too, and everyone is happy and warm and smiling. They will hug you and be like your second family. This will give you a sense of belonging and purpose in life, and make you feel like you are moving forward. You can do the phone groups if they don’t have face to face meetings and the phone meetings are an hour long and held on different days of week. The central headquarters will help you find a sponsor (I think of mine as a life coach). She has 18 years of experience. They all have to meet certain requirements to become sponsors. If you want more information, just ask. Hope you are okay.