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unconfident in body

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  • August 15, 2019 at 11:57 am #308117
    Chantel
    Participant

    Hi Everyone,

    I have been a small framed person all my life and what I mean by small is I’m 5’3 and I’m 110 pounds. I have always wished to be thicker and have curves. I have always been disgusted with my body. aside from my issue with my weight I have struggled with other emotional issues and depression. In the past I was on anit-dpressants and they made me gain 30 pounds which I LOVED. but my body was crying for help. My cholesterol and triglycerides were in the 300’s and I was told that my medication would need to be changed. After trying different anit-depressants and just being sick on them and not being able to find the right one I got off of them and made a choice to figure out a way to “fix” myself emotionally and spiritually alone as I  can not afford to seek professional help. I have come to the reality that no matter what I do I will always be a petit woman and that I need to be ok with it. One of my problems is when I see people, people I know or don’t know they say “wow your losing a lot of weight” ” you need a cheese burger girl!” ” are you ok you look sick?” I cant explain what this does to me other than feeling like I want to run and hide from the world and cry. it just makes me feel more disgusted. Are there any tips or response that I can give these people that feel they need to make these comments to me? how do I deal with this? Why don’t people understand that  the same way that you would NOT tell a bigger person ” wow you gained 10 pounds more?” or ” you need a slim fast shake” is the same for a smaller person. How do they know that I don’t have health issues or that I’m not dyslexic or bulimic? People can be so mean and sadly if I lash back they look at me like what’s your problem? which tells me they really think its ok.

    August 15, 2019 at 12:53 pm #308119
    Mark
    Participant

    Chantel,

    I am sorry for your depression and struggle to be ok with who you are.

    Acceptance and even loving who we are is hard especially for women.  Those people who take it upon themselves to comment on your appearance are clueless jerks.  This does not reflect any caring or concern on their part.  This is just none of their business.  How to deal with this?  You can Google that.

    You can do anywhere to ignoring them to being sarcastic and saying “oh really?  thanks for letting me know.  I really got to get a scale/mirror.”  to telling them “oh thanks.  by the way, you really are gaining weight/lay off the cheeseburgers/you don’t look so healthy yourself.” to smiling at them and tell them to “F off.”  You don’t need to be nice.

    I know that this won’t help but I thought I put this out for you anyway: “An estimated 160 million Americans are either obese or overweight. Nearly three-quarters of American men and more than 60% of women are obese or overweight. These are also major challenges for America’s children – nearly 30% of boys and girls under age 20 are either obese or overweight, up from 19% in 1980.”  So there may be a jealousy factor from such people who are commenting since they may envy your beautiful slender body.

    Ultimately the long term “solution” is to be ok with who you are and what you look like.  That is a process.  You can also Google on how to love yourself, check out the Body Positive movement,  and do the Loving Kindness Meditation.

    Mark

    August 15, 2019 at 1:33 pm #308123
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Chantel:

    As I read your post I had similar thought as Mark’s (before I read his reply) regarding obesity and the jealousy factor. Some refer to the obesity problem in the U.S and elsewhere as an “obesity epidemic”, so when seeing a petit woman, women who struggle with their weight, significantly overweight or obese women (many who suffer from diabetes 2 and other health problems related to obesity) are more likely to think: I wish I looked like that, and not something like: poor her, she doesn’t have curves, I wonder if she is well.

    But regarding these two comments: “wow you’re losing a lot of weight” and “are you ok you look sick?”- if you really do look sick and if are you  losing significant weight within a short period of time- maybe you should see a doctor and get checked out.

    anita

     

    August 15, 2019 at 2:48 pm #308131
    Chantel
    Participant

    Thank You Mark.

    Anita, I believe the “wow you’re losing a lot of weight” and “are you ok you look sick?” comments are because I was 30 pounds heavier on my anit-depressant pills and than had to get off of them and now I’m back to my normal weight. … I’m guessing that’s where it comes from any way. Believe me I stuff my face all the time and don’t gain a pound.

    August 15, 2019 at 3:13 pm #308137
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Chantel:

    If the comment about you looking sick was solely about you losing weight and not about you looking pale, let’s say, cheeks sunken, gaunt, things like that, then well, either people are rude or… they forgot that a few decades ago people were thinner but not sick, maybe they wrongly equate overweight with healthy.

    Regarding you stuffing your face all the time, that is because of anxiety? (People often overeat because of anxiety, I do).

    This reminds me, I too didn’t gain a pound no matter how much I ate until I got on antidepressants, then I gained weight, about 30 pounds as well,  for the first time in my life. I started on antidepressants when I was 36. It is a common side effect, although age is a factor as well.

    anita

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