Dear Anita,

Thank you for your fast reply! I understand completely and please don’t force yourself to reply tonight. The rest can wait till tomorrow and he was so merciless leaving me without any word for those past days…he can wait too…

So I won’t say anything right and reply tomorrow as I might say the wrong thing to him…

Have a peaceful evening 💕

Talk to you tomorrow Anita 🤗

Dear Dafne:

“And now the spider is back!”- you say it as if it’s a good thing 🫢 What feels good isn’t always what’s best for you.

“I feel relieved that he replied and I can have some answers”- what answers and to what questions?

“I am neither a dreamer, nor a liar, nor irresponsible”, said the 🕷️ to the 🪰.

“He said some nice words about the beauty of a family life”, as he pointed to his 🕸️ (spider web).

“Is it wise to continue texting him without him unblocking me on the other media?”- the phone is one entry point to his 🕸️. Unblocking you on the other media would be like unblocking a second entrance into his 🕸️.

“What do you think of this whole situation now Anita?”- I think that he is dealing with a very low self-esteem and have created a fictional Asian project involving millions of dollars to feel better about himself. In this context, questioning him about the project is like pulling the carpet from under his feet, which is not fair to him (the reason I recommended that you no longer question him about the project).

On the other hand, he wants your money, all the money that you have and can get through loans and whatnot. He’s been trying to lure you into his web of deceit with hopes and promises of a shared home and life with you.

How to move forward? Through empathy for him (no longer questioning him), and empathy for yourself, prioritizing your well-being.

Notice this, in the latest exchange with him yesterday, he said: “family life is the most beautiful”- he told you earlier that his parents passed away, were cremated and that (if I understand correctly) he does not know where their ashes are. He also told you that he has no siblings and that he has little to no contact with cousins, none of them whom you met. So, seems to me that the words “family life is the most beautiful” do not indicate his persona experience and are meant to lure you into his web of deceit.

He also said: “I regret that you did not meet my friend… my partner… But I introduced you to other friends who are jealous, they did not even call me for New Year’s Day”- given that you never met his alleged project- related friend and partner, and that the two friends you did meet are not really friends… then, altogether, he has no friends and no family, at least not any with whom he has contact, or positive relationships.. so, what does it tell you, Dafne?

anita

Dear Dafne:

As usual, I will reply further tomorrow, but for now: I wish I could make you believe what I know to be true: that (like I said before), you are a beautiful soul who deserves the best in life.

anita

Dear Dafne:

You are welcome and thank you for your kind words and appreciation. I will still need the morning to reply more attentively, but for now, in regard to: “Would you continue replying to his messages? What if he suggests a meeting?”-

– I would end my association with any 🕷 and, in doing so, stay away from their 🕸. However, I understand that he has been a distraction from the troubles at home, and you’ve had hopes associated with him. Therefore, ending contact with him, especially if he suggests a meeting, is easier said than done, so no judgment coming from me.

My hope though is that you come across a decent man- however imperfect- who will be good for you. Back to you in the morning 💖

anita

Dear Dafne:

It’s perfectly normal to want closure and to make things right with the people you care about. However, seeking closure with a spider can lead you to getting stuck in its web.

The fact that he blocked you and then unblocked you, only to express his pain is manipulative. He’s trying to regain your trust without addressing the real issues at hand.

He didn’t apologize for blocking you, placed his pain on center stage (“Him: “I was in too much pain last week”) and kicked your pain off the stage, dismissing it (“Me: ‘Hi, we all were in pain last week…Him: I am aware that we have all had pain'”).

He is self-centered and manipulative, and your feelings of distrust and fear of being blocked again are valid.

Regarding his lack of friends, it might be a reflection of his behavior and how he handles relationships. Self-centered people who get offended easily and don’t discuss things honestly and calmly can’t maintain healthy friendships.

I’m proud of you for recognizing the impact of your past on your self-esteem and romantic choices. It’s a significant step towards healing and growth. Here are some suggestions for self-care and building self-confidence:

Set healthy boundaries in all your relationships, Practice self-compassion (be kind and forgiving to yourself), Engage in activities you enjoy, Talk to a therapist or perhaps join support groups (in addition to this thread), and Remind yourself of your strengths and accomplishments.

“I’m an old soul, maybe too old school for this modern world… Maybe that was another reason why this man got my attention. He seemed to want the same life as me, presenting similar values. But now you’re helping me to see that it all might be just a spider web 🕷🕸”-

– I’m glad that I could help you see through his facade and recognize the spider web 🕷🕸 he’s been weaving. Your values and principles are important, and they will resonate with the right people who truly appreciate and respect them.

You have the strength to overcome these challenges, and it’s okay to take time to focus on yourself, and thank you for your kind words, Dafne 🙏. I’m here to support you in any way I can. 🌞

anita

Dear Anita,

Thank you so much for both of your messages. You adressed everything in such a compassionate and loving way that it really touched me so deep ❤️

I really don’t know where I would be if not you taking care of me. It felt like you were holding my hand while I was going through the storm of emotions. So my thank you is just a very little I can do for you now 🤗

I still need to navigate the life at home so that another bad brake down doesn’t lead me to the dark path again…

I know now that you’re here so it should be different this time…

I’ll also try to apply all the advice you gave me regarding the self care and boundaries. I really struggle to do that at the moment. But now I know that someone in this world cares about me and that I can give this life another chance 🙂

And I’ll keep my eyes open regarding the spider 🕷 probably once he realises that nothing is the same anymore and that he can’t treat me like that again…he’ll give up & try to catch another fly 🪰

Thank you for being with me on this journey Anita
💕
And I hope that we both find inner peace and happiness despite missing out on being loved and appreciated in the past ✨️

Big big hug 🤗 to you and once again thank you for all you’ve done for me! ❤️

Have a good evening and take a good care of yourself!

Dear Anita,

I’m happy to read your message and thank you again for your encouragement 🤗

I’m locking all the beautiful advice & your kind
words in my heart.

Have a lovely day & I’m hoping to come back one day with some great news 💕

Take care! xxxx

Dear Anita,

Thank you so much for your kind words of appreciation and making me feel so welcome 😊

I did not send you my original, short message as I wanted to add a little update.

He keeps writing about the project and I’m trying to avoid asking him too much. But he keeps pushing. He wants to convince me that it is not just a dream. He told me that if I promise not to share his business plan with anyone else, he will send it to me. I said ‘ok, if you trust me, send it to me and I won’t share the sensitive details’.

But once I said ok, he said that he will show it to me on his tablet (instead of sending) as there are some numbers and salaries included. So he wants future with me but hides information? Why did he ask me in the first place? 😆

He said that it is better to meet one of the people he is working with to make me believe him more.

You were right again, seems like it all goes in circles…

Now, he really wants to meet me and show me the plan. I think out of courtesy, I could meet one time and if he tries making any future plans again or romantic gestures, I could simply say that after his disappearance last week, I feel that I need some time…and that we could continue but only on a friendly note?

Is that a good idea Anita? Would you say something else instead?

To be honest, I’m trying to distance myself as much as I can but somehow he doesn’t let me. He just doesn’t give up easily…now the relief of unblocking me turns into a frustration…

I don’t know how to establish the emotional distance anymore…

What would you suggest Anita?

I hope you are well & could find some time to rest more.

Have a good weekend!
Warm hugs and talk to you soon 🫂🤗