I really hate my workplace at the moment and don’t know what to do. I studied for 4 years, degree and postgrad in the sector and then got this position over a year ago. I have enjoyed my time here, but the company is now struggling. It’s a very small company, only 4 of us, and the Director has personal problems and he isn’t leading the company, everything has fallen away and I dread coming in, I have barely anything to do here and have zero motivation to work. I spend most of my time online messing about and feel guilty then because I haven’t done any proper work.

The thing is, I don’t know what else to do. I am completely disillusioned with my sector, I have realised that I don’t want a corporate job, I don’t want to work for a large blood sucking corporation. But I studied for so long for this career and now I don’t want it. I know my mum is disappointed, she wanted me to do well in this industry, but I don’t think I want it anymore. I am actively looking for jobs, but most of them are city centre and I do not want my life to become one big commute in and out for a job that pays me a salary. I want more, more for myself, my family, my life. But the problem is, I don’t know what that is, or might be.

I am helping my other half build his own business which I love but it isn’t possible to give me a full time role at the moment.
Horses are my other major love in life and I have a long term business dream for the future which require serious financial investment, so don’t think I can feasibly go for that yet.

I look around at friends who seem to have a perfect career and life, and I feel like I’m floundering. I think if I am honest, I know I should leave this role, but I’m scared. I’m scared of letting people down, of disappointing my parents, and being a failure. I’ve built some good relationships here but I don’t think I can help anymore.

I wish I had the courage to go for things regardless, but I struggle with self esteem and confidence. It’s time like this when I loathe myself because I don’t know what to do, but chewing things over and over gets me nowhere.

Not sure if any of this has made any sense, or whether it is just me trying to get thoughts down, but I’ve found that by reading others posts, it is clear to me what people should do, so hoping someone might have a clear idea of what I should do?