Anita,I wanted to let you know I’m doing better in terms of self esteem from the last time I posted. I’m not sure what worked, I think it was working towards calming my anxiety that helped the most.
For All, I’ve a question. So i’ve been working with people I really like and respect the past couple of weeks but find myself shutting down now and needing space. If I spend too much time with people I start becoming more and more disconnected with myself. I have trouble sharing living space due to this reason also and start withdrawing and disconnecting with myself and others. Has anyone experienced this? I almost feel like a little bit of fear is kicking in but I feel too disconnected to tell.
(While I am sharing this as a problem, I feel lucky that THIS is my problem, like I’m happy to be working on this).
I’m the same way. I liken human interaction to a vitamin. A little bit is essential and I feel happier and whole. A lot though I feel “not myself”. I don’t view it as a problem, it’s just our make-up. I cope by having time limits to rooms/conversations/people, giving myself a “job” (“I’m going to the kitchen, can I get anyone anything?”), going out to the car, going to the restroom. Even “checking my phone” for a modicum of solitude.
Thank you for the update note to me, glad you are doing better!
You wrote: “If I spend too much time with people I start becoming more and more disconnected with myself. I have trouble sharing living space due to this reason also and start withdrawing and disconnecting with myself and others”-
I think what it is, is that your childhood experience of living with your father is being activated- he demanded too much out of you, causing you much distress, and as a child, you reacted by had disconnecting from him best you can, to protect yourself.
When sharing living space with others, that same distress gets activated and you react the same way. It is natural. Insight and mindfulness/ ongoing awareness of this can help, over time, to remain connected (to those people who are healthy for you to be connected to!)
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