Dear JHK:

I am glad you started this new thread because I don’t want to post to you on your other thread where you are having an excellent conversation with another member. I don’t want to interrupt that dialogue, so I will post to you here.

I will answer your question “Why do people walk away?” in regard to the woman you are interested in as a romantic partner, the one you work with.

– Because I believe you lack the interpersonal skills required to communicate effectively with her. Therefore you are confused, you don’t know what to say, what to do etc.

You can learn these skills and then, life will be easier for you.

anita

Dear JHK:

Yes, I just think it is better to have one dialogue in one thread and a second dialogue in a second thread, it is simpler and more effective this way.

Regarding walking away vs facing the problems:

There are times when it is wiser to walk away and there are other times, other circumstances where it is better to face the problems.

Here is one way of knowing when is the right time or circumstance to do this or that:

when you want to face the problems with another person, like the woman you work with and are interested in romantically, ask yourself:

– is what you consider a problem, does she consider it a problem as well? (Did the two of you identify a particular thing to be a problem?)

– is she interested in talking about the identified problem with you? You can’t solve a problem that you have in a context of a relationship (of any kind) without the other person cooperating with you on solving that problem.

anita

Dear JHK:

“she almost want to walk away from me. I told her that I am heartbroken if she does that”-

I can’t follow the communication between the two of you from reading your posts so far. Therefore, if you want, type a conversation you had with her which included you telling her that you are heartbroken.

Type it for me, word for word, what you said and what she said. No commentary, no interpretations regarding what she meant and what you meant, just the conversation, in this format:

JHK: “…..

Woman: “…

JHK: “…

and so forth. I figure you probably don’t remember the conversation word for word, that is okay, write it best you remember it.

anita

Dear JHK:

This conversation is word for word then, you have it saves on your phone?

If so, do you have the record of the next text conversation where you cleared the air? If you do, will you post that one as well?

anita

Dear JHK:

Let’s look at this part of the conversation then:

“Me: No, I don’t want you to stay away neither do I want to stay away from you.

Woman: That’s not for you to decide.

Me: We are in this together and it is not for you to decide

Woman: You don’t get to decide that”.

My question for you today is: do you think that she should not stay away from you unless you agree to it, that is, that her decision to stay away from you must require your approval?

Please answer with a yes or a no, and explain a bit after the yes or no.

anita

Dear JHK:

You do indeed overthink. You overthink what … she thinks and feels so much so, that you don’t “hear” what she tells you.

It is not possible for you to read her mind and figure out what is going on in her brain. Neither is it your job or responsibility to try this impossible task. All you have to do is listen to what she tells you (or texts you).

And what is it that she texted you:

She texted you the following: “I am staying away…. That’s not for you to decide… You don’t get to decide that”. So what you do after reading this, is you stay away from her because that is what she wants and because she is correct, she gets to decide that.

Here is another point: she texted you: “I don’t want  to disappoint you further so I am staying away”, a few lines later, you texted her: “I will be heartbroken if you do this”, and she texted “Ok”-

– you have been trying to make her feel bad, trying to make her feel guilty, responsible for your feelings while in reality she is not responsible for your feelings. It is not her job to fix your broken heart, even if it was possible for her to do so. Trying to motivate a person to be close to you by making them feel guilty is an unkind, unloving thing to do.

anita