Dear Trisha,

I am from India and I do understand your situation. This has been increasing day by day in many households. I am glad that you are not repressing your situation all by your own and that you have come here to resolve your problem. You have come to the right place. You will get support and guidance from people here on this thread.

Yes you are right no mother-in-law – daughter-in-law relationship is easy. I have seen these issues with many near and dear ones. Yes she has this attachment towards her son and no external entity (you in this case) can ’emotionally’ threaten which is her feeling/thinking right now.

You have mentioned that you have tried on several occasions to mend your relationship but it has not helped. What is it that you are trying to mend? What if you could just let everything remain as it is. Nothing more to do. Not trying to repair anything. Not struggling to fix anything. Okay, she is disregarding your feelings. Take a break on expressing your feelings to her and not wanting her to acknowledge your feelings. This does not mean that you have ill-behaviour with her. Just plain normal behaviour.

You mentioned your husband continues to push you to establish a relationship with them. Also your requests for not wanting to interact with them too much are met with moodiness and silent treatment by him.
He is going to do that. I am not saying whether your husband is right or wrong. I am simply saying why he is doing what he is doing. It is simply part of his upbringing, his thoughts, feelings, emotions and belief systems. But this does not mean that you simply have to “give-in” to your husband’s thought process and not let him do anything about it. More below on what to do.

It is good to know that your husband is “very loving and caring”. It is very rare and hard to see that these days. In most cases even the husband is all towards his mother and things become even worse. Along with the above subtle changes in interaction between you and your mother in law, can you try to have a more direct conversation with your husband. Go and share your feelings with him exactly the way you have shared here. Do not worry about how he would feel. Let him know that this problem is being increasing day by day. Can you let him know how much it is bothering you and your overall life in general. Do say it in a loving way but sound it in such a way that he should know that this time you have a serious problem. Without directly pointing to what he said, convey to him that the solution which he gave from your earlier conversation (“continue the relationship with them and treat them with respect”) is not working. Tell him the exact same thing what you are telling here, that this is affecting your self-esteem. I know you can do this conversation. From your flawless post I can tell that your communication skills are exceptional.

Please do keep your inputs posted. Also, if you would like to share your place in India I could share some resources. I am from Pune.

Take care,
VJ