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This topic contains 15 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by  Hannah 5 months, 2 weeks ago.

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 16 total)
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  • #139751

    Andreea Maria
    Participant

    Hi,

    Have you felt like you just want to vanish from this world…like you find no purpose for your beeing anywhere.

    I never reached out like this before, but maybe someone can give me a miraculous medicine for this emptiness.

    I fell in love some time ago and while I knew love before, this time felt like a desert, I felt alone. As it turned out the guy is emotionally unavailable and while I am still in this relationship I now know it is pointless.

    This feeling of emptiness I am experiencing only got stronger since this guy entered my life, I felt it before but now it’s with me all the time. I keep thinking there is something wrong with me, that I cannot be loved. I stopped carreing, I only do things because I have to not because I care…just want to not be anymore

    #139767

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Andreea Maria:

    That emptiness that you feel is painful, isn’t it? It is not just a lack of something (of love), but it is pain- can you describe that pain? What is your pain about?

    anita

    #139781

    Andreea Maria
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    It is a pain too, if I were to describe it, it feels like a loss, like a dear friend died and left me alone.

    Feels like I don’t live, that it’s just existence, no living.

    No idea what causes it, I just know it started more intense since I feel in love with him…

     

    #139785

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Andreea Maria:

    This man is emotionally unavailable to you, you wrote. You need something you are not getting and he is a constant reminder that you are not getting it. What is it that you need and he is not giving you?

    anita

    #139791

    Andreea Maria
    Participant

    It is his love and affection

     

    #139793

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Andreea Maria:

    In your original post you wrote: “maybe someone can give me a miraculous medicine for this emptiness.”

    The miraculous medicine you need is clearly that “love and affection” you mentioned in your last post. If he will not give it to you, you need to find a person who will.

    anita

    #139797

    Andreea Maria
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    You are probably right, I am just a bit mindset on him, asking myself where I go wrong…

     

    #139799

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Andreea Maria:

    Some people are not loving people, not because you did something wrong, or because you are not a lovable person, deserving of love. Think of yourself in a desert, thirsty, needing water. To your right there is a rock. You keep beating it with a stick, hoping it will give you water.

    On your left there is a stream of water, but you can’t see it because your eyes are on the rock. You can’t hear the stream of water, because all you are hearing is the sound of the stick beating on the rock.

    The rock, figuratively, is not giving you water, not because you are not deserving of water, but because it is a rock.

    Does it make sense to you?

    anita

    #139865

    Andreea Maria
    Participant

    Yes Anita, it makes perfect sense and the metaphor is beautiful and accurate. Letting go is sometimes, as my case is, the hardest thing to do. Although I know it will set me  free I long for the “rock” as a drugg addict…Rationaly, I know the way out is letting go, but when it comes to doing it I feel like I condemn myself to pain…It’s like I am not dieing but not living either…Thank you for your words, they are like a balm

    #139873

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Andreea Maria:

    I know how it is to keep beating on a rock. I did it for many, many years. And then I stopped- took a lot of time and healing before I did, but I did it. And so can you.

    anita

    #139881

    Andreea Maria
    Participant

    I know Anita, deep down I know I can do it and maybe then life will start to taste good again…Wish I could take a backpack and just leave

    #139903

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Andreea Maria:

    You want to leave- then make a plan to leave. Make two plans:

    An Action Plan: 1, 2, 3, etc., practical things to do.

    An Emotional Plan: how to manage your emotions so to be able to accomplish the Action Plan.

    anita

    #140313

    Andreea Maria
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    The part where handling the emotions is the difficult one to do, meanwhile emotions handle rather than the other way around…:(

    #140333

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Andreea Maria:

    Regarding emotions handling us instead of we handling them- this is why I wasn’t able to progress in my life for so long. It was only following my first experience in competent psychotherapy, that I was able, over time, to handle my emotions. Handling emotions come under “emotional regulation skills”- these are skills that involve Mindfulness, a learning and lots of practice. Starts slow and progresses, incremental, gradual progress. You can start small, today and progress every day, until you can form and trust an Emotional Plan.

    anita

    #142401

    Carrie
    Participant

    Andrea Maria,

    i can relate to the emptiness. for me it is especially painful when 1. i know i can give a lot, but i don´t know how, and i see the environment not appreciating what i can contribute with. 2. when i give but do not receive in return – ¡it can be in a relationship for example, generally a big imbalance between giving a receiving either by not giving anything or not receiving anything creates this feeling for me. For me it only works to find different environmnets where i can contribute. Maybe you should leave the relationship, buy maybe not – maybe try fulfilling yourself in other areas of life and through other relations – friendships, work –  and see how it goes. Have you seen this – https://www.ted.com/talks/esther_perel_the_secret_to_desire_in_a_long_term_relationship?

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