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Wanting to reach out to someone, but afraid?

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  • November 21, 2018 at 2:42 am #239997
    Kkasxo
    Participant

    Hi Lukamoe,

    I didn’t want to read and run.

    I can hand on heart tell you that reaching out to someone you trust in times of hardship can be life saving. I too often feel like a burden, or I don’t want to worry anyone or for them to see me as ‘weak’ but having gone through a traumatic event only a few months ago I realised the importance of people in your life.

    One of my closest friends has been through everything with me and if I am honest I kind of owe my life to her. I’m ashamed to admit that I sunk so low at one point that I did consider the ‘ultimate escape’. If it weren’t for her I truly believe I wouldn’t be here today.

    Please do not feel ashamed or as though you are a burden. You are not. Your family and friends love and care for your well being. Imagine it was one of your closest friends writing this post.. what would you say to him/her? You’d more than likely say ‘stop being silly! I am ALWAYS here for you! Please turn to me when you are feeling low! Let me be there for you!’ You need to take your own advice.

    Not everyone needs to know how you are feeling. But it is helpful to turn to a relative or friend and offload everything you may be feeling. You’ll be pleasantly surprised at the relief you feel and just how much care and affection another human being can show you.

    If you are worried about approaching the conversation at the wrong time, why not reach out and say ‘Hey, I really wanted to speak to you about something, I feel like I need a friend. Can you let me know when would be a good time for you?’ That’ll eliminate any distractions etc.

    I hope you feel better soon and wishing you all the best!

    November 21, 2018 at 6:43 am #240009
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear lukamoe:

    It is my understanding that you don’t have an established friendship with the person you want  to reach out to, that it is someone fairly new in your life and that the  only way for you to contact him or her is through text, am I correct?

    If I am, then what I would  do is send a text like this: How are you? I feel lonely, wish I had someone  to talk to who will actually listen to me. Do you know what  I mean?

    That’s it. It doesn’t reveal too much about you, so less fear about you sharing information that will be misused, making fun of you (a concern you mentioned). And if he feels the same  way, that no one really listens to him, your message  will click with him and he  will respond.

    Of course, there is the realistic chance that he  will not respond at all, or that he will take a long time before responding, or that his response will say nothing that will communicate to  you that he noticed at all that you wrote that you feel lonely and not listened to, and you have to be prepared for  these possibilities.

    anita

    November 28, 2018 at 9:46 am #265811
    lukamoe
    Participant

    Thank you for replying!:) This is actually a very good friend, I see them everyday at school, but we aren’t in the same year so we don’t share any classes, and we are in totally different friendship groups – I could explain our whole friendship dynamic here if I really needed to, but that’d take super long 😛 And because of this, even though we do get to talk sometimes in school, its always around others – namely others/’friends’ that have made me feel this kind of loneliness and its just awkward to say in that kind of setting anyway.

    November 28, 2018 at 9:55 am #266163
    lukamoe
    Participant

    @Kkasaxo

    (Im still new to the forums here, so I’m not sure how replying and the quoting stuff works 100% yet? Sorry for the awkwardness!! :P)

    And thank you so much<3 Your words are really so much help, and just reading them makes me feel so much better, thank you so much, I really appreciate it:) <3 I think, what you said, about asking to let me know when is a good time to the friend is really helpful, thank you, I think I will do that 🙂

    I think, just thinking about it gives me a bit of anxiety. But I will get to it eventually. Thank you <3

    November 28, 2018 at 10:20 am #266239
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear lukamoe:

    Sometimes when you reach out to someone, be it a family member, a friend, a stranger, he or she will reject you. It happened already in your life  I bet, this is why you area afraid to reach out to this guy. If there was no rejection in your life so far, if all the people you reached out to responded positively to you, you wouldn’t be afraid now. It  is true to everyone. Everyone is rejected sometimes, and it hurts. This is why we fear rejection, we don’t want more hurt, more pain.

    And  so, in reaching out there  is a  risk. Best you can do is reach out in such a way that maximizes your chances of a positive response and minimize your potential pain if rejected. Plan on how to reach out to him so to increase  the chances that he  will respond positively to you knowing there can be  no guarantee that he will,  and plan it so to minimize your pain if rejected. One way to do the latter is to make your attempt simple, not elaborated, not sharing too much, just a  bit. Then wait. If he  rejected  you or made fun of you (a fear you mentioned), then he will not have a lot of  information  about you to use.

    Does this make sense to you?

    anita

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