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  • #385436
    Pebblas
    Participant

    Hello!!

    I would just like to find out your views and opinions on your partners watching porn? How does it make you feel and does it impact your sex life? How did your partner respond to your voicing concerns (if you did have)?

    #385474
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Pebblas:

    If you would like to share about your views and experience about your partner watching porn, how it makes you feel, how it impacts you, and how he responded to you when you voiced to him your concerns- you are welcome to share, and I will read and will respectfully reply to you further.

    anita

    #385484
    Pebblas
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    Thanks for the message. On a whole I don’t find porn interesting, it just doesn’t resonate with me. I’d much rather be intimate with my partner and it also makes me feel insecure? I’ve tried jouenaling and shaow work but I can’t get passed it. He’s open minded about everything, always. He was secretive at first but then I tried to talk through it etc and now the wound is closed but I still don’t understand why it makes me feel so damn uncomfortable and insecure. I really just wanted to know if others felt the same way about it. It’s the only hurdle that keeps coming back to knock me.

    #385486
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Pebblas:

    You are welcome.

    I would just like to find out your views and opinions on your partners watching porn?“- my views on porn is that I wish the whole porn industry didn’t exist: it offends and disgusts me.

    How did your partner respond to your voicing concerns (if you did have)?“- I wouldn’t be in partnership with a person who watches porn. If to my surprise I discovered that a partner watched porn, I would tell him how much it offends me, and ask him if he is able and willing to stop watching it.  If he confidently answered that he is not able and/ or willing to stop watching it, I would have to end the romantic/ physical part of the partnership.. move to separate bedrooms or… separate altogether, depending on the circumstances of the partnership.

    I can’t get passed it… it makes me feel so damn uncomfortable and insecure“- I am not surprised that your partner watching porn makes you feel all these things, I would have felt the same.

    He’s open minded about everything, always“- is he open minded about no longer watching porn, so that you no longer suffer because of it?

    anita

    #385824
    ABHILASH
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    I have been following TinyBuddha for a while now and I am really getting hope and pleasure in reading the various thoughts presented here. Moreover, being an introvert, this is the first time I have actually reached out to someone who is completely unaware to me. I happened upon this topic today and I really wanted your help on some of the things I am facing right now.

    #385886
    anita
    Participant

    Dear ABHILASH:

    You are welcome to start your own thread by going to FORUMS on top of the page, choose a Category and proceed from there. I am glad you reached out, and am looking forward to read from you, and reply soon after you start your own thread.

    anita

    #390698
    Shira
    Participant

    What is PIED?

    Pornography-induced erectile dysfunction (PIED), is a specific type of ED, that is thought to be caused by over-exposure to porn. If you can get an erection when watching porn, but not with a partner, it is likely that you are suffering from PIED.

    The Brain on Porn

    Over time, high exposure to porn can reduce your sexual responsiveness. This means that you may need to watch more extreme porn to become aroused, to get an erection or to orgasm. Dopamine is a chemical in the brain required for sexual arousal and getting an erection. When you watch porn – and masturbate – you get a huge influx of dopamine. Being exposed to such a high level of dopamine can dull the dopamine receptors in your brain. This means that the receptors need more and more dopamine to be stimulated enough to make you feel aroused. This desensitisation can cause erectile dysfunction, as you may not get enough dopamine stimulation in a real-life situation. You may have conditioned yourself to be sexually responsive to extreme porn, but not real-life sex. This can lead to erectile dysfunction.

    Unrealistic Porn

    Everyone knows that porn is not realistic. Pornstars are professional actors who often have greater flexibility and stamina than most people. Porn also often features extreme sex acts, which can be carefully staged to exaggerate certain aspects. The situations portrayed in extreme porn are unlikely to occur in real-life. Being exposed to this sort of material can make real-sex feel comparatively disappointing, resulting in a decrease of dopamine.

    How does age affect PIED?

    The younger you are, when you first begin to watch porn regularly, the more likely you are to suffer from PIED. You are also more likely to get less enjoyment in real-life sex situations than you get from porn. People who had early exposure to online porn may also be more likely to suffer from ED related to porn, as the internet provides greater access to more extreme porn, compared to other mediums.

    A Negative Cycle

    When a man experiences ED with a partner, he may often feel embarrassed, worried or depressed. The next time he is going to have sex, he may feel more worried about the possibility of ED occurring again. This anxiety can actually make him more likely to experience ED again. If a man is not able to get fulfilment from sex, he may turn to porn more, which can lead to further issues with ED in real-life situations. This negative cycle can be difficult to break, but it is possible.

    How to overcome PIED

    Currently, little is known about how to best overcome PIED, but there are several methods to try:
    Abstinence

    There is some evidence to suggest that abstaining from watching porn for 90 days, gives the body time to readjust to real-life sexual cues. You can still masturbate during this time, but you should not do so after watching porn. Another method is to stop masturbating and watching porn for 1 month. After 1 month you can start masturbating again, but you should continue to avoid watching porn.

    If you can’t stop yourself from watching porn, you should try to avoid extreme porn and only watch porn that is more similar to real-life situations. You could also invest in some tools to stop you from accessing porn websites. Web-filters can be used to block porn sites, or if it would help you, you can use websites such as Ever Accountable, which will alert a friend when you watch porn, holding you accountable.
    Counselling

    If you think you may be addicted to porn, or if you just want a little extra help, counselling may be a good option to help you overcome PIED. A counsellor can help you to:

    Identify what leads you to watch porn
    Manage what causes you to watch porn i.e. stress etc.
    Manage your impulse to watch porn
    Find other ways to achieve pleasure without porn
    Explore any past relationships and your previous history of porn use
    Build and develop your current sexual relationships

    Medication

    ED medication such as Viagra, Cialis or Levitra, may be an option to consider to treat your PIED. However, as PIED has psychological and behavioural elements to it, you may find that medication is not the right option for you. It is important that you let your prescribing doctor know if you believe your ED may be linked to your porn habits. This will help them to make the best decision about which treatment would be most suitable for your individual situation.

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