April 1, 2019 at 3:02 pm #287235
Recently I got out of a 3-year long abusive relationship. I was (and still am) very naive. My ex-boyfriend took advantage of that and made me believe he loved me and wanted the best for me. Long story short, he manipulated me into getting into a relationship with him so that he could use me (force me to have sex with him, do his homework, leave my friends for him, made me tell him where I was and what I was doing at all times, threatening me if I ever went against his orders). Our relationship started when I was 15 (sophomore in high school) and he was 17 (senior in high school). He also happened to be one of my friend’s brothers. Now, I was being completely manipulated and used by her brother. While I was getting into a relationship with him, it was very hard for me to think clearly as I was being manipulated. I would NEVER purposely date my friend’s brother without her consent. This specific friend actually told me that it was okay to date him. However, I am NOT the type of girl to go after a friend’s brother. I am definitely afraid of conflict and am the type of person to avoid it at all costs. I am wayyy too chicken to date a friend’s brother (even if she said it was okay) as I am too afraid to make a friend upset. But I was being MANIPULATED.
I guess my ex’s sister went around telling everyone how awful it was of me to date him (without talking about it with me). She was always super fake and talked bad on everyone. So it was no surprise that she would do this. I’m not trying to play the victim though, as I knew better. I KNEW it was wrong of me to date a friend’s brother (even if she said it was okay), but I felt out of control. Her brother made me believe that I needed to be with him. He was using me and I didn’t understand what was happening.
Everyone in my grade began acting weird towards me. I didn’t understand why (and still don’t completely understand). But I am beginning to think that it was because I dated her brother.
My school planned a trip to Argentina that summer. My ex’s sister was going. I thought everything was good between us as we agreed that my parents would drive us both to the airport, and her parents drove me and her back. I honestly thought everything was okay. But when we got to Argentina, I noticed that the other girls in our grade ignored me. They only paid attention to my ex’s sister. Once we were playing truth or dare with everyone. I chose truth, and some girl asked me “out of everyone in this room, whose brother would have sex with?” knowing my (at the time) boyfriend’s sister was right there. Also, once at dinner girls randomly started shouting “wow if my FRIEND dated my BROTHER I would feel so BETRAYED and HURT.” and another girl said “that’s like the ULTIMATE BETRAYAL” and it seemed like they wanted me to hear. Later on in the relationship, I went on a trip to Mexico with my boyfriend’s family. Girls would come up to me and say “was it awkward with (ex’s sister’s name)???” in a very snarky, condescending way. Girls also began to be very mean to me in other ways and there are many more examples of people pointing out how weird it was that I was dating my friend’s brother. I never really put two and two together… so I want to ask on here. Do you think these girls were trying to be mean to me as they thought I was a slut for dating my friend’s brother? Back then I couldn’t really figure out why people were ignoring me. I also didn’t understand whether or not girls were being mean by referring to the fact that I was dating my friend’s brother. Now, it seems a little bit more clear as I am out of the situation. What do you think???April 1, 2019 at 4:35 pm #287243
As you are experiencing first hand that teen girls can be mean, snarky, back biting, immature, etc. Unfortunately I think this is one of those Rites-of-Passage going through the teen and early 20s years. Those girls and women here have a better and more first hand perspective than me as a middle aged man.
At your age is a time when you really need to develop your own inner resources. Unfortunately you are at an age where peer pressure, acceptance and influence is at its height in your social development phase of life.
All I can suggest is that you find new friends that you are more comfortable with and who are more accepting.
Mean people suck.
MarkMay 22, 2019 at 10:31 pm #295239
I’m so sorry you are going through this. Teenage girls can be the most horrible creatures. I don’t know how ‘tiny buddha’ of a response that is. The reason the movie Mean Girls was so popular is because it was so accurate. They are throwing stones and they hurt! I like you instantly and I don’t even know you, comradery I think it is:) Mean people suck- as Mark said. It will get better, it will pass and their attention will be on someone new. The only good thing from this is.. you know a little more about yourself now. You are not like those girls – that’s something to smile about! Keep your chin up:)
IT GETS SO MUCH BETTER.May 29, 2019 at 12:27 pm #296273
Mark and Jenna,
thank you both