- This topic has 41 replies, 6 voices, and was last updated 9 years ago by
Anonymous.
-
AuthorPosts
-
November 26, 2015 at 5:29 pm #88368
jockParticipantAnita
you can’t beat her
just try to thrash her
and she’ll mashya
a superhero
let’s have a beero!November 26, 2015 at 5:36 pm #88372
AnonymousGuestI was called a buddha, I think, was it? Was I called a buddha recently in one post (by loveliness)? And now, a superhero. Sounds good to me…how about Anita the Superbuddha, the …new website to compete with tiny buddha: “anita the superbuddha”… my business ambition is rising… and I can hire you (or you can hire me, makes no difference), jack as my… what will it be… your title, Hero Jack? (after me calling you “my hero” which you are). Jack my hero having a beero.
Humbly, always humbly, yours:
anitaNovember 26, 2015 at 5:49 pm #88376jockParticipantI think whenever I try to be humble, I’m just being an egotist.
“oh lord it’s hard to be humble
when you’re perfect in every way”November 26, 2015 at 6:03 pm #88380AnonymousGuestHa ha… ha. I like humble though, not less than, no no no, just not arrogant, I am better than you kind of arrogant. I hope I am not. I wouldn’t like it if I was. Confident and humble, I am shooting for that.
anitaNovember 26, 2015 at 6:09 pm #88382jockParticipantgotta go nita
the waves are calling
if I don’t go now
my dog will start bawlingNovember 26, 2015 at 6:13 pm #88384AnonymousGuestGood yoyo-ing, protect the nose and shoulders and be well!!!
anita
November 26, 2015 at 7:31 pm #88389jockParticipantI’m back
I’m back
no sunburn on my rack
the ocean was asparklin’
the wind was adraftin’if I drift away from here
it’s nothing personal
maybe I got a job
now that would be a shock
but can he keep it this time?
can he stay, no matter what?November 27, 2015 at 6:13 am #88402AnonymousGuestDear Jack:
Jack is back (was, it is now about 10 pm Friday your time)- Like your little poem, you play with words and make music. Maybe you got a job? Then I hope you do stay so we can discuss the happening in the new job, if there is one, the co-workers and what there is to come! As always, I am thrilled you are here on this forum, every time you are here. Want you to be here as long as it is somewhat helpful to you!
anitaNovember 27, 2015 at 7:00 am #88408AnonymousGuestMore. You wrote: “but can he keep it this time?
can he stay, no matter what?”I am suggesting that to KEEP the job this time, maybe the attitude to take is to NOT stay No Matter What. That it will not be another exercise of tolerating distress only, but be an opportunity to achieve something personal as in practicing assertiveness.
If you tried in the past to stay in a job No Matter What and you failed again and again, then to stay longer in a job, maybe the way for you to go is to not intend to stay no matter what…?
See I already have input on your new job, if there is one…
anita
November 27, 2015 at 3:38 pm #88419jockParticipantIt’s fight or flight. I usually choose flight. I have chosen the fight option in the past,but it was very stressful. Guess the fight option is best for self-esteem though.
OK Anita, would appreciate your thoughts on the following dream I had last night.
In the dream, I was at my most recent workplace. A guy who had disrespectfully micromanaged me before was doing the following:
with a gun shooting at my shoes and putting holes in them! “Dance!” he said. Yeah I know, only in a dream right!!
And here’s my reaction: I was asking another colleague “I don’t think he’s allowed to do that to me, is he?”
In other words, I was second guessing myself, even in this ridiculous scenario.
I woke up about 2.00am, anxious, almost sweating. But then I laughed when I thought about the dream content. That’s how ridiculous, my second guessing habit is though. I really need to do something about it. As you said once, better to err on the side of over self-assertion than continue with that pathetic self-doubt.November 27, 2015 at 3:53 pm #88420jockParticipantanother thing I’d like to write about this morning: my partner and I are having a guest this afternoon. Haven’t seen him for 10 years. I don’t have many visitors so it is a big deal. We’ve kind of lost touch, he got divorced, some of his life choices I can’t really understand and I’m sure he would be puzzled at my recluse lifestyle. But I want to examine my feelings before and after this event. I mean I probably won’t see him for another 10 years after this. The thing I want to look at is my need for approval from him. My need for him to validate me and my current situation. Whether I like it or not, I would like to think he envied me. Strange isn’t it. Childish. I would like to think he is impressed by my house my partner, my dog and the city I live. (he lives overseas) So I suspect any of his behaviour which is a veiled criticism or doesn’t validate me, will be hard for me to accept. What is quite possible is that he will talk about his life and take no interest in mine. That is just as annoying.
I’d like to have the Buddhist approach, no expectation, no winner, no loser, calm abiding. But I just want to be sure I don’t react to anything he says or does. Not take anything personally. I just hope it ends well, on good terms. Funny thing about getting older and relationships. I used to be more easy going than this but then I didn’t have any boundaries either which was a problem I see now.
OK hope I haven’t bored you anita.
Tell me about any similar scenarios if you want.November 27, 2015 at 6:12 pm #88422AnonymousGuestDear Jack:
Nope, you cannot bore me, impossible. These are my comments:
1) Regarding you judging yourself negatively, notice”hat pathetic self-doubt.” Self doubt is the thinking pattern you don’t like, PATHETIC is you bullying yourself for having self doubt. Then regarding needing validation from the expected visitor, you wrote: “Strange isn’t it.Childish” Now you are bullying yourself or “just” pointing the finger at yourself with something not nice: Childish! Please make progress with no longer pointing the finger at yourself with put downs and insults. When you speak or write here, notice to present yourself RESPECTFULLY, with self respect. Remember a recent thread you started about distorting your story to your benefit? Well, no need to distort any story, but it will be to your BENEFIT to no longer put yourself down (It is as if you are trying to do so before someone else will…) Jack, there is no reason whatsoever for you to tell a dream, a scenario, anything at all except with SELF RESPECT.2) Regarding the dream: as I read it I thought you were going to dance and I was … proud of you for not dancing! You think your reaction was pathetic, not so… you didn’t dance! I don’t see the second guessing in asking if he is allowed to shoot your shoes (I may be missing it). I see it as you being attached to rules and regulations in the workplace (elsewhere as well?).
3) Regarding the guest:what if you pay attention in the first twenty minutes or so, or longer, to WHO he is- who he has become since you last saw him. Notice: is he logical? Is he crazy? Is he arrogant? Is he a decent person? If he is indecent or delusional or arrogant, then trying to impress him is mute, isn’t it? It may be an opportunity to practice observing a person and allowing yourself to be.. un-impressed by him. Because so many people are un-imressive, noticing that will neutralize, I hope, your need to impress them!
I found out this very thing some time ago: if you pay attention to how other people really are, often enough, you will not need their approval. Why seek the approval of a person you do not approve of?
4) regarding similar scenarios: I have been petrified by the idea of guests since some very negative experiences with guests- I am trying to be okay with some necessary guests in the future.. necessary…
My lower back hurts… I hope I am making sense in this post???
anita
November 27, 2015 at 6:36 pm #88424jockParticipantas usual, quality post anita. sorry about your back.
you’re right. I want to make fun of myself before someone else does.
that is a bad habit of mine.November 27, 2015 at 6:42 pm #88428AnonymousGuestIt has been my habit too. I think I stopped it. I am now, I believe, in the habit of talking about myself respectfully. That was far from being the case before. I highly recommend this change.
Did you know, Jack, that I have a stalker on this forum? Third stalking in a row. Hmmm… wonder what this is going to be like.
What do you think about the guest suggestion? You might be nervous about the guest showing up later on…?
anita
November 27, 2015 at 6:47 pm #88430jockParticipantyeah just observing him, I know what you mean.
He’s a real charmer, talker, he knows how to impress, make you feel like he is your best friend,
I’ll be wary of this………
he might suspect I see through his facade -
AuthorPosts
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 