What can replace happiness of a relationship?

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This topic has 5 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 10 years, 10 months ago by ainka.

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February 12, 2014 at 5:24 am #50844

Anyone
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Recently, I had been recovering from my breakups. Basically, becoming strong and on my own. Working towards ‘self’. But yesterday a thought crossed my mind; I’m quite content being single but the happiness that a couple shares in a relationship, the laughter, the smile, is missing.

In my mind I was having questions, ‘This happiness cannot be replaced by anything else?, so how I will I be happy being single?’.

Yes I can roam around, do the things I like, but how about the smile and joy that a relationship brings to my life?

Will it always be missing? I have no plans to marry or spend life with someone at least for now.

I do have goals in my life; in fact I have always had and accomplished quite a few too. How can I get rid of the lack of having someone in my life?

#Sad 🙁

February 12, 2014 at 7:44 am #50854
Gavin
Participant
Firstly I might offer a very positive “well done” for managing this far – to regain your sense of self after a relationship is no small thing. Speaking from my own circumstances around this issue I’d recommend an approach whereby you cultivate inner happiness (remember that looking after oneself is NOT selfish, when it comes to ensuring that you have enough strength and reserves before you go on wholeheartedly to help others) and hone in on that “target” by means of mindfulness. Don’t fret about the past since it’s unchangeable, don’t worry about the future because in all probability it’s unknowable.. Enjoy the roaming and doing the things you like! Practice feeling those little moments of mirth as deeply as you can and don’t assimilate them in comparison to aspects of the smiles or hugs in relationships. Just remain fixed in the present, noticing all the good things as you go, no matter how small. As you go about your business, being good to yourself, you’ll slowly begin to better find your feet, and if it does anything for you as it has for myself I can say that will at least lead you along a path which will make you feel more healthy and balanced, eventually putting you in a place where people will feel you begin to shine as your authentic self. By taking the “mindful present” option, you can cultivate inner happiness and follow an approach which will leave you open to new friendship possibilities, rather than potentially putting yourself where you may shun new relationships – that isn’t in all likelihood what you wish to be doing. We are interconnected, so just nurture yourself, a bit at a time, and things will start to click again, I’m sure.
- This reply was modified 10 years, 10 months ago by Gavin.
February 12, 2014 at 8:38 am #50856

Rae
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I am going through something very similar to this. I recently went through a break up after 4 crazy years and have been working on my happiness as being single and working on my self. Its a task everyday but just like Gavin said remain in the “mindful present”. I know its hard to not think about the happiness that was in the relationship but try not to compare it to what you feel now. Of course its not the same but the break up is still new, with time it will get better as long as you stay focused on you and your happiness. Before you know it you’ll reliezed how much happier you are being single and one day be ready to be in a happier healthier relationship because of the time you are spending working on yourself now. I think the most important thing is to remember that there is no instant cure for heart break. Go through the motions if your sad be sad if you miss certain things miss them but dont dwell. Let in come and let it pass, you have to go through it to get over it. Stay strong and be happy!

February 12, 2014 at 9:24 am #50860

Mark
Participant

Anyone,
Being human means having emotional connections and relationships. Even though you do not have a romantic partner in your life now does not mean you cannot have people who you can relate to, be with, share with, and enjoy time together with.

I agree with the others is to have a close relationship with yourself first and foremost. I also invite you to nurture the relationships that you have and/or create new ones.

Metta,
Mark

February 13, 2014 at 12:55 am #50891

Gavin
Participant

I’d second and support that – don’t be afraid to feel sad feelings. Blocking emotions may seem like the natural, reflex reaction, but in all honesty you’re better off just accepting them, feeling them and allowing them to pass. To block one feeling is in essence to block them all, which regardless of your wishes is DEFINITELY NOT what you want to do. That practice will cause internal troubles to pile up, and eventually leave you in an emotional vacuum (trust me on this!). There’s nothing wrong with feeling hurt – it’s as natural as breathing. No one like the bad feelings, but at the end of the day life is simply a mixed bag! Even if you were in the middle of bliss there would eventually be a dip, so just accept everything you feel, good and bad, and just let it flow! Things will get better :o)

February 13, 2014 at 4:40 am #50901

ainka
Participant

i have been through a horrible breakup its been 15 yrs but still i m in love with him, he used my love to fill his void and then moved on to other girls, but at the same time troubling me telling me how he was, how he liked them and hated them, he went through a divorce where i was used as a shoulder to cry on and then moving away to marry another and my happiness ……….. no one cared for. meanwhile i tried to concentrate on myself got a good job but being single doesnt give me happiness, i do cry all day looking at others.
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