An old work colleague added me on social media, we spoke and we went on a date. It seemed to go well. I didn’t hear from him, so I said it was nice to see him and would he like to meet up again some time. This probably was a bad idea and I should have left it. He replied with ‘ he will let me know when he is free, don’t rush something which may come about’ .
Was he trying to let me down gently? Was I unreasonable to expect a yes or a no?
I don’t think it was unreasonable to expect a yes or a no, but that doesn’t mean you were going to get one. Lots of times expectations aren’t met, which is the biggest problem with expecting things in the first place.
I think he was probably letting you down gently or possibly trying to keep you on the backburner. I don’t like that he told you not to rush something, because I don’t think you were, and saying it like that makes it sound like you were doing something wrong… and you weren’t. It was perfectly okay for you to write and say it was nice to see him and ask to meet up again. He could’ve simply let you know that he’ll let you know when he was free instead of adding that last part.
At any rate, if he was excited to see you again, he likely would have made a date with you instead of saying he’d let you know, but I don’t think this guy is a big loss.
In my mind (having read your previous threads), it means that you should attend quality psychotherapy very soon, because you don’t have to live the miserable life you lived so far, and you don’t have to never have a healthy relationship with a man. It is possible for you to increase your low self esteem, to feel better about yourself and to make a better life for yourself.
A better experience of life will take work and time: it will take you beginning your healing process. Part of healing is responding to people who reply to your threads, something you didn’t do yet. Try it, and it may very well work for you.