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What do my feelings for him mean?

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  • January 8, 2019 at 10:01 am #273117
    Em
    Participant

    Hi!

    I have never been in love, I have had crushes, but not in love.

    There is this guy, I have known him since April 2018 and as I got to know him, in the past few weeks I realized that I’ve had these feelings for him, and I can not figure out why I am feeling this way. I am wondering if anyone else has experienced it?

    He is someone who is empathethic and understanding, and it are qualities that I like about him. Something I have not experienced much with men. And whenevet I am around him, I get this calm feeling in my body, he has a calming energy. I don’t know if he has that effect on other people as well. Sometimes I even feel a strong magnetic pull towards him.

    Sometimes I think he could possibly have feelings for me too on some level, based on little moments, but I could be wrong too.

    Am I projecting things?  (I certainly don’t think he is a perfect person, nobody is). Am I falling fot him? I never have experienced such feelings before.

    January 8, 2019 at 10:41 am #273147
    Mark
    Participant

    I like this take on what love is.

    https://www.elephantjournal.com/2015/05/the-6-types-of-love-what-infatuation-lacks/

    For the most part, I do not like using the word “love” because it means different things to different people.  How we are brought up is how we first experience what love is.  See The Five Love Languages.

    Empathy and understanding are great qualities.  Also we are complex beings that have paradoxical and contradictory and inconsistent behaviors.  The key thing for me is how true people are to their core values and how authentic are they?

    Feelings are feelings which mean they are by nature temporary.  That’s OK as long you recognize that there is more to love than that.  The infatuation phase is good as a starting point to get to know someone.  The longer lasting, mature love is another thing altogether.

    Make sense?

    Mark

    January 8, 2019 at 11:12 am #273165
    Em
    Participant

    Interesting, makes sense. Maybe it is infatuation. I was starting to think it was a something special feeling.

    I guess it means I am romantically attracted to men who are empathethic? I did not think I admired such qualities so much.

    Is it best to not be around this person anymore for those feelimgs to fade?

    January 8, 2019 at 11:36 am #273177
    Mark
    Participant

    Em,

    My take is most people like being around those who can relate to what you are feeling and who you are which I define as empathetic.

    I don’t know why you are asking if it is best to be around someone even if feelings fade.   That is always the case.  Feelings come and go.  The longevity of any relationship is more of the depth of the relationship.  It is how we connect on values, activities, and the like including how we feel about each other.

    Mark

     

    January 8, 2019 at 12:05 pm #273193
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Em:

    “He is someone who is empathetic and understanding… whenever I am around him, I get this calm feeling in my body, he has  a calming energy… I was starting to think it was a something special feeling”- empathy is special. To feel empathy and understanding is special and  it is a calming sort of energy.

    People who go to psychotherapy keep coming back if they feel that empathy and understanding and are willing to  pay for it.

    It is very special when a person consistently gives you that empathy and understanding.  Lots of people are sometimes these  things, and at other times they are rude and even abusive.

    If you meet and  get to know a  man who is these things on a regular basis, you will be fortunate to have a relationship with  such a man. What do you think?

    anita

    January 8, 2019 at 12:12 pm #273195
    Em
    Participant

    I think those are good qualities in a man, and same for women, anyone really. I do feel like there is some familarity with the guy as well, which is nice.

    But I can’t be in some (romantic) relationship with this guy, so I have to find a way to get over it?

    January 8, 2019 at 12:17 pm #273199
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Em:

    Why can’t you be in a romantic relationship with this guy, is it that you can’t  or don’t want to?

    anita

    January 8, 2019 at 12:21 pm #273201
    Em
    Participant

    Can’t. He is already in a relaionship, has been for years.

    January 8, 2019 at 12:28 pm #273203
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Em:

    Oh, I understand. I suppose it is that “strong magnetic pull towards him” that you want to “find a way to  get  over” (not that calm feeling)- how about accomplishing that by not being in his presence?

    anita

     

    January 8, 2019 at 2:56 pm #273235
    Em
    Participant

    Yes, I probably should just stay away from him but I like his presence too at the same time. I am having conflicting feelings because I have no friends.

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