Dear Christi,

I’m sorry for the delay — I’m not feeling well this morning and my mind is slow. Like you, I woke up early, sometime after 5, and I’m having trouble focusing. So, I’ll keep this simple.

Reading everything you shared, it seems like part of what pulls you back to the land is the world that once lived there — your parents, being their child, the safety and belonging that filled those years. The place holds all of that. It’s almost like an old photograph that brings back a whole moment in time. You can feel the peace and connection in it, and that’s real.

You wrote: “When I visit, something in me settles. My soul feels at peace there… When I’m home on 5 acres of beautiful land, there is a deep sense of peace and connection that I don’t find anywhere else. I feel homesick when away from my childhood home.”

And at the same time: “Sometimes when I’m in my hometown, I feel homesick. Not for another place exactly, but for a version of home that no longer exists… When I’m there, I sometimes feel homesick for the urban life.”

That mix makes sense. A photograph captures a real moment of love, family, and belonging — which mirrors what you said the house represents — but it’s also frozen in time. You can look at it, feel it, ache for it, but you can’t step back into the life it shows. The land brings back what mattered, and it also reminds you of what isn’t alive in the same way anymore.

You’re doing something wise by taking your time. You’re letting both the emotional pull and the practical part of you speak. And maybe, as you keep listening, more clarity will come — not all at once, but gently.

🌿🌿🌿 Anita