Dear Mini:

“I have only found one type of guy who is looking for a therapist or a parent… there is a deep-seated pain which is not going away.. do not have the answer to why am I single and attracting only broken people”-

– Maybe you are broken too, and that “deep-seated pain” indicates such brokenness (?); maybe everyone is broken in one way or another. If everyone is broken, then everyone attracts “only broken people”.

Maybe you do not tolerate or endure people being.. people with problems, doubts, hurts, fears, etc. (?)

anita

Dear Mini:

In your original post you wrote: “there is a deep-seated pain which is not going away”- I wonder about that pain in you that is not  going away: what is it?

In your second post, you wrote that you don’t like “to entertain people with problems especially who live in the past and dream of what could be”- I wonder if you grew up with such a person, a mother or a father who lived in the past and dreamed of what could have been, instead of appreciating and enjoying what was in front of them, their own children.

anita

You don’t sound very sensitive to other people’s problems. It is good you are strong, yes, but a relationship requires you to be open and kind hearted with your partner. Not everyone is perfect, you will see everyone has some sort of baggage, yourself included.

And your reply to Anita was quite rude considering she was only trying to help understand why you’ve been single your whole life. Try to be nicer, maybe that will help.

Dear Mini:

There will be two parts to my post. First, I will retell what you shared, with quotes, re-arranging the order of what you shared, trying to get the most from the very little that you shared (I will italicize words you used when outside quotes). Second, I will quote your words, bring up possibilities, and ask you a couple of questions that you are welcome to answer or to not answer.

First part: you shared that you grew up in a happy home (“I had a happy home growing up”), with parents who are “most sorted and giving individuals (who) never dwelled in the past or blamed anyone, rather learned from their failures and mastered that”.

Sometime after your 25 birthday,  you found yourself and became confident in your own skin. When that happened, you started dating for the first time in your life.

As an adult, you successfully worked on building yourself up, mastered all aspects of your life (“Everything else in my life I have also mastered”), and everything is working perfectly in your life (“99 things are working perfectly in my life”), except for one thing: you have been “on dates via different sources” for more than a dozen years, but none of your dating experiences developed into a relationship. And so, at 38, you have “never been in a relationship”.

The fact that you have never been in a relationship is causing you a deep seated pain. Your friends, family and acquaintances always wonder what is wrong with you.

Your figure that the one thing that is wrong with you is that for some reason, you’ve been attracting only  broken guys. You described the broken people whom you dated: men who burdened and exhausted you with “their past relationships, career and financial failures.. people with problems.. who live in the past”.

Second part:

1. You wrote: “I do meditate on a regular basis along with practicing gratitude and forgiveness“- you wouldn’t be practicing forgiveness if you were not angry. If you practice forgiveness on a regular basis, then you are also angry on a regular basis.

2. You wrote, “I met every guy with a blank canvas and kind of felt exhausted with the burden of their past relationship, career and financial failures”-

– I think that by blank canvas, you meant that you met every guy with a blank canvas of relationships: no imprints of previous relationships. I am guessing that you were jealous and angry with each one of the men you dated because he had a relationship history and you did not.

You wrote: “Talking about failed relationship from school, college or who is married with kids now is plain useless… I was not with them to answer why their partner cheated, married someone else or  broken up with them”- while they had their relationships, their marriages and kids in their lives… you were alone and lonely in your life, weren’t you?

“I had a happy home growing up and still does now“- If you are still living at home with your parents, at 38, maybe you have lived with them your whole life. Maybe while the men you dated had lives outside their homes of origin, away from their parents, lives with partners, you lived at home all along, with your parents, no partners, no relationships.

You wrote: “Everything else in my life I have also mastered.. 99 things are working perfectly in my life… do not have the answer to why I am single and attracting only broken people?”-

– paraphrased, you are asking: how can it be that a perfectly unbroken woman attracts broken men? Is this what you are asking?

anita