Home→Forums→Relationships→What should I do ?
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October 25, 2018 at 7:59 am #233243
KalynParticipantI have been sitting for the last month and a half trying to figure out what to do. I have been with this girl for 3 months dating ( 1 year of talking) . We have been through a lot of ups and downs through the talking stages and dating. I will admit I had my issues that held the relationship back some but I worked hard to make it work. I always try to please her and try to have a conversation. It would always turn out good. But I have notice that when ever we got into arguements , I would always get “ you always do this “ or “ I always do this and you never do “ but also never took responsibility for her actions. August 30th I got into a car accident, I called her but she never showed up to visit but the very next day , she called to see if I was ok. I was dealing with it horribly. I did not hit her up for 2 days. The next day after the 2 days, I contacted her to make amends and that lead to a big blowout with us yelling and just calling it quits. Overtime , I did realize it was wrong for me to not contact her at all. We had a small conversation afterwards but then we talk here and there. We did realize we miss each other and concluded to try again but start over but now I am trying again and she just giving me one word response as I am trying to become a better communicator . It is like she being aloof and distant. I know it will take time to rebuild our relationship from before but should I just give up or keep trying ? I do love her and want to commit to her .
October 25, 2018 at 8:40 am #233265
AnonymousGuestDear Kalyn:
Will you tell me more about August 30th, the day you had your car accident. Who notified her, what was communicated to her about the accident and your condition? Did she hear about the accident and not inquire as to whether you were injured or how you were doing?
anita
October 25, 2018 at 8:47 am #233269
DJParticipantJust doesn’t sound that you two on the same page at this time, maybe would help to be grateful for the good times you had together but lower your expectations at this point and what you expect in the future. I would never suggest to give up cause only you know that and trust yourself on that. You did acknowledge that it will take some time to rebuild the relationship, so I’d continue to be kind and be respectful to her and see where it goes.
October 25, 2018 at 9:56 am #233295KalynParticipantHello Anita,
I called her after the accident happend and asked her to come up. My little sister texted her to come up and kept her updated about my condition. She knew I was in an accident. She called a day after
October 25, 2018 at 9:57 am #233297KalynParticipantHello DJ,
I will continue to be kind and respectful to her. It is very hard you know. I will have to accept the good times for what it is
Kalyn
October 25, 2018 at 10:52 am #233321AnonymousGuestDear Kalyn:
You called her and asked her to come to see you. Why didn’t she?
anita
October 25, 2018 at 12:20 pm #233351
InkyParticipantHi Kalyn,
Maybe she can be just a friend?
We saw a situation where the husband was in the hospital and my husband kept whispering to me, “Why hasn’t his wife visited him yet???” It was all very weird and frankly disturbing. Unless she had to drive long distance through a snow storm she should have been there.
That and the “You never” and “You always” statements. Aren’t people trained now to not use “you always/never” statements?
Just my uncomfortable opine!
Inky
October 25, 2018 at 12:32 pm #233355
Feathering my nestParticipantYes – why didn’t see come and see you when you needed her?
October 25, 2018 at 3:55 pm #233387KalynParticipantAnita and Feathering my nest:
She doesn’t drive at all but everyone in my family was like she could have asked for a ride from my family or took an Uber. I still don’t know why she didn’t come till this day.
Inky
Yes as human being we are trained not to say that but people do it anyway
We both agreed to start over and date all over again but lately it is more one worded answers and idk
Most of my friends see how much I love her and they are like ” She need to stop acting like this and realize you are there”
I been really Conflicted with it.
Kalyn
October 26, 2018 at 6:15 am #233457AnonymousGuestDear Kalyn:
You asked: “What should I do?” and “should I just give up or keep trying?”
My answer: you should give up and end this relationship.
Reason: August 30th you got into a car accident, you asked her to visit you and she didn’t, even though it was possible for her, she could have asked for a ride and visited you. Also, you wrote that she repeatedly blames you and doesn’t take responsibility for her actions.
I suppose two days after the accident, you “contacted her to make amends” because she blamed you for something? She didn’t call you to make amends for not visiting you (or better visit you), but you called her to apologize.
What followed that apology was “a big blowout with us yelling and just calling it quits”.
I think calling it quits is a good idea.
anita
October 26, 2018 at 1:43 pm #233573KalynParticipantHello Anita,
two days from the week of the accident that I didn’t contact her. I knew how she felt about it but I try to make amends and that when the blowout happen because I didn’t communicate why I didn’t contact her for two days. I did admit I did not communicate to her very well and . I was wrong for it. ( Can’t say I am perfect) but obiviously it lead to the blow out. I did apologize after we cooked down from the blow out but it took a while but yeah she never took responsibility. It was always she did this and supported me through thing( which she has) but never took responsibility
Kalyn
October 26, 2018 at 2:04 pm #233585AnonymousGuestDear Kalyn:
I didn’t understand. If you’d like to explain it to me clearly, please do. When you had an accident, August 30th, you asked her to visit you but she didn’t. Why did she get angry at you, what did she say that you did wrong/ what is it that you apologized to her for?
How did she support you through the accident?
* I will soon be away from the computer for about 14 hours.
anita
October 26, 2018 at 5:34 pm #233611KalynParticipantThe accident happened on the 30th and I really wanted her to come see me because I was really in a lot of pain . she didn’t come to see me after the accident happened and I didn’t make a big fuss about it but of course my family did . The day after the accident and the day after thatshe did call and see if I was OK. the communication with her was very one worded and whatever. Now during the time of my recovery from the accident I wasn’t feeling my best. I was in a lot of pain but also I allowed my mind to go with the negative overdrive . Now while I was recovering I did texted her and told her how much I missed her and everything else. but after I realized how much my mind was negative and what not I decided to give her space because I felt as though I was being clingy but also I was negative . she was angry with me because I didn’t say anything before I decided. she was angry with me because I didn’t communicate with her that I needed space and I wasn’t wanting to understand where she was coming from . ( hence the blow out) but the problem was the way that she was stating her opinion came off to me as blaming and criticizing instead of saying hey I didn’t like that you did what you did . she was angry with the fact that I said I thought about what I did and I did it anyway( which I didn’t say that way, I said I consider your feelings and explain why I did what I did ) but she felt like I didn’t care at all. so during the argument She put on I didn’t care attitude which she showcase in the text and that’s what made the whole argument blow out of proportion when it didn’t have to be.
So that’s what she was angry about the fact that I didn’t tell her that I needed space because I was dealing with my emotions and how I felt after the accident
And she only called me or text me to see if I was OK
October 27, 2018 at 5:58 am #233641AnonymousGuestDear Kalyn:
My summary of what happened: you had an accident and you were “really in a lot of pain”. “I was recovering I did texted her and told her how much I missed her”. But she didn’t visit you even though she was able to visit you. She called to ask how you were the day after the accident and the second day after. Then she got angry at you and accused you, while you were recovering and in pain, that you withdrew from her. She accused you, yelled at you on the phone, while you were in a hospital. Next you apologized to her.
When she blames you, you take on her blame, no matter the circumstance, no matter if what she says makes sense or not, you take on her blame and apologize.
Do I understand correctly?
anita
October 27, 2018 at 8:20 am #233681KalynParticipantYes you got it correct
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