What to do?

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This topic has 27 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 10 years, 4 months ago by yadizmarie.

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July 26, 2014 at 1:17 pm #61827

Caring Guy
Participant

like I have said before we have been together for a year now! We have had all of this, it has been almost 3 weeks since I have seen her in person! So going from Hard core seeing each other each week and for days as at time has put such a void in my heart and soul!

July 26, 2014 at 2:33 pm #61833

Matt
Participant

You were together for year. Good luck on your first date!

July 26, 2014 at 9:36 pm #61846

Caring Guy
Participant

happy to report. we had a good night at dinner and some time at the park. Felt good to hold and kiss the love of my life

she did feel my nervousness, she knew that I was not feeling secure with what was going on in our relationship. She told me the we are still a couple ,, we just need this time and space.. I need to work on myself, be happy with myself and find myself again.

She said that we need to take our relationship with baby steps and get back to us. She does want to see me again shortly, I also asked that we can at least talk more on the phone than we have the past few weeks

So I feel good for now and i need to keep this going and become and love myself again… Now I need to find me !!

Anyone been able to find themselves ??

July 27, 2014 at 5:51 am #61862

@Jasmine-3
Participant

Thanks Everyone.

Hi Caring guy

I am glad you had an awesome time with your loved one. I am also glad that you have found yourself a partner who is unknowingly forcing you to find yourself. Life has an interesting way of teaching us what we need to learn and just at the right time.

I hope you will use this opportunity to get rid of your dependency on another human being (yes, it is your loved one but it is still a temporary relationship at the end of the day on this planet earth) and become self reliant on your own body, mind and soul for the love, happiness and balance. When we give our power away to others, we become removed from our own self and then finding “ourself” becomes very hard as life wins at throwing such curve balls at us until we say enough is enough.

Sending you loads of positive energy and hope you find YOU soon before another ball hits you.

Jasmine

July 27, 2014 at 6:19 am #61865

Caring Guy
Participant

thanks Jasmine…..

how does someone find themselves ? I have been trying to figure that out. I can not get my brain to go in that direction. I keep finding myself

July 27, 2014 at 6:41 am #61868

Matt
Participant

Jay,

Finding yourself isn’t about thinking, its about action. Self nurturing, following your hobbies (or finding them), eating well, finding your space… not thinking “hmmm, where am I in here”. Believe it or not, finding ourselves requires less thinking, not more. 🙂

Consider sitting down and writing out a list of qualities you’d like to have or improve on. If you look around at who you are and what you have, what would you like to see wither away? What would you like to see blossom instead? Who are your heroes? What qualities do they have that you would like to have? Write it out, it’ll help you grow that inner compass, find your “true north”.

Glad your date went well!

With warmth,
Matt

July 27, 2014 at 6:44 am #61869

@Jasmine-3
Participant

Hi Caring Guy @gg0319

I am not able to understand your response. Perhaps, you didn’t complete your last sentence.

You may think that the lady love of yours is giving you an opportunity to find yourself but she is not doing that knowingly. She is taking a break for herself and not you as per se. She is calling the shots for herself and not for the relationship. The sooner you understand this, easier it will become for you to start the journey of finding yourself and then your brain wont take you in an opposite direction.

There are 2 ways of finding yourself. I am going to share only one method here as the other one wont make sense in your current circumstances.

Do you accept Gary the way he is ? With his flaws and strengths ? Do you accept that Gary is the most important being in this world ? Your kids, ex wife, your current partner and her kids all come after YOU. If you are not there physically in this world, these people will have no meaning in your life, yeah ?

So who is tending to Gary’s needs ? Real needs of being loved and accepted ? Everyone but Gary !!! Why do I say that ? I say this because others have the huge capacity to create a havoc in your world with their decisions, reactions, wants and desires. Look at your past life with your wife, kids and look at your current life with new lady love. What has really changed ? Not much. You were still craving for love and acceptance then and you are still doing that today, aren’t you ?

So how do you find yourself ? First accept yourself for who you are. You are awesome as you are and you do not need someone else to make you feel that way. You are loved by YOU. You do not need other people’s permission or validation to exist in this world. You exist in this world as you have a huge role to play. Your role is to bring love, peace and balance into your life. Your role is not to let others dictate your state of being. You are a master of your own destiny and emotions.

When you are able to do above, you will have found GARY, the real Gary 🙂

Best wishes,

Jasmine

July 27, 2014 at 7:10 am #61874

Caring Guy
Participant

@gg0319

Thanks
I need to do this me and not what everyone else wants. A work in progress

BTW How did you know my name ? I did not think I mentioned it

July 27, 2014 at 7:14 am #61877

Caring Guy
Participant

@jasmine-3
Thanks
I need to do this me and not what everyone else wants. A work in progress

BTW How did you know my name ? I did not think I mentioned it

July 27, 2014 at 7:14 am #61878

@Jasmine-3
Participant

I read your previous posts to get an understanding of where you were coming from. In there you call yourself Gary. My apologies if you didn’t like me using your name.

Absolutely, you have to do this for yourself. You deserve the best 🙂

Best wishes,

Jasmine

July 27, 2014 at 7:18 am #61879

Caring Guy
Participant

@jasmine-3

It is ok, I must of lost that i put my name there in all of my ramblings

It is a killer now that I have to wait for my next meeting with my GF. It was so nice to see, talk ,kiss and hold her.

July 27, 2014 at 7:28 am #61881

@Jasmine-3
Participant

🙂

July 28, 2014 at 7:28 pm #62018
yadizmarie
Participant
I truly appreciate your honesty. You are definitely good at this. I don’t know how or why I have not had the strength in me to let go. i have allowed all of this to happen due to fear of letting him go and missing him and feeling like I made a mistake. There are so many things that he has said that just lets me know that his internal problems are far deeper than us. I have realized that the problems he is harnessing have nothing to do with me. I really wanted to be there and help him but i dont think I can. he is far more depressed than i expected. He has lost himself and doesnt love himself. My biggest question is How can someone love without loving themselves? I don’t think that is possible. These depression bouts that he goes through are dragging me down and while i try not take it personal, it is very hard to live a life not knowing what kind of mood he is going to be in. I have moved out these past few months and I really thought that it would be a wake up call for him to get help. I thought it was going to work out but then again I feel all alone in a relationship. So I gave him the talk of taking a time out and not seeing each other for 1 month and having a date at the end of the 1 month break to see what happens. I dont know if that was the right thing to do.
- This reply was modified 10 years, 4 months ago by yadizmarie.
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