Hi Caring Guy @gg0319

I am not able to understand your response. Perhaps, you didn’t complete your last sentence.

You may think that the lady love of yours is giving you an opportunity to find yourself but she is not doing that knowingly. She is taking a break for herself and not you as per se. She is calling the shots for herself and not for the relationship. The sooner you understand this, easier it will become for you to start the journey of finding yourself and then your brain wont take you in an opposite direction.

There are 2 ways of finding yourself. I am going to share only one method here as the other one wont make sense in your current circumstances.

Do you accept Gary the way he is ? With his flaws and strengths ? Do you accept that Gary is the most important being in this world ? Your kids, ex wife, your current partner and her kids all come after YOU. If you are not there physically in this world, these people will have no meaning in your life, yeah ?

So who is tending to Gary’s needs ? Real needs of being loved and accepted ? Everyone but Gary !!! Why do I say that ? I say this because others have the huge capacity to create a havoc in your world with their decisions, reactions, wants and desires. Look at your past life with your wife, kids and look at your current life with new lady love. What has really changed ? Not much. You were still craving for love and acceptance then and you are still doing that today, aren’t you ?

So how do you find yourself ? First accept yourself for who you are. You are awesome as you are and you do not need someone else to make you feel that way. You are loved by YOU. You do not need other people’s permission or validation to exist in this world. You exist in this world as you have a huge role to play. Your role is to bring love, peace and balance into your life. Your role is not to let others dictate your state of being. You are a master of your own destiny and emotions.

When you are able to do above, you will have found GARY, the real Gary 🙂

Best wishes,

Jasmine

I truly appreciate your honesty. You are definitely good at this. I don’t know how or why I have not had the strength in me to let go. i have allowed all of this to happen due to fear of letting him go and missing him and feeling like I made a mistake. There are so many things that he has said that just lets me know that his internal problems are far deeper than us. I have realized that the problems he is harnessing have nothing to do with me. I really wanted to be there and help him but i dont think I can. he is far more depressed than i expected. He has lost himself and doesnt love himself. My biggest question is How can someone love without loving themselves? I don’t think that is possible. These depression bouts that he goes through are dragging me down and while i try not take it personal, it is very hard to live a life not knowing what kind of mood he is going to be in. I have moved out these past few months and I really thought that it would be a wake up call for him to get help. I thought it was going to work out but then again I feel all alone in a relationship. So I gave him the talk of taking a time out and not seeing each other for 1 month and having a date at the end of the 1 month break to see what happens. I dont know if that was the right thing to do.

• This reply was modified 9 years, 9 months ago by yadizmarie.