Hi Abhilash,

I’m answering your thread because I have been through similar issues related to porn addiction/escapism. Now it is not a problem I have anymore.

I don’t know if I can help you because we are all dealing differently but I can share my experience so you feel less alone at least.

I have been exposed to porn on internet when I was very young (primary school) for some reason it grasped my curiosity, my body had an easiness to be receptive to such visual and suggestions. And I explored that because kids are less shameful. Physical stimulation were agreeable and relaxing. But I felt bad afterwards, still knowing it was supposed to be shameful.

It became something regular, even more as I became a teen. It took quite some space in my life, I believe, because there weren’t a most powerful and fast/easy to obtain brain stimulation out there. Overall though, it wasn’t personally gratifying. It took time, made me sleepy which, if I gave in, took more time. And it didn’t make me feel good after I got the stimulation done. Because I could have used that time better, because sometimes it got me more tired for nothing.

It was only on the beginning of my twenties I decided : it should stop. Because it was a critical time, unlike my teenage years. I needed to change and make a difference in my life if I wanted to achieves the goals that moved me. They equally took time, they were less intensely rewarding than sexual stimulation short-term but way more gratifying and fulfill it, so it worthed the effort and the change. Better for the self esteem, for mental health, it was making my brain available for more healthy ways of feeling good. Slower, but more lasting!

The way I stopped was radical. Not consuming pornographic media or media that would lead me to want consuming pornographic media or turn to sexual fantasy. And instead turn my focus on my goals and healthier interests. To be honest at that time I also kind of remove all my escapism strategy, way further than pornography because a lot of these could slip into that insatisfaction leading to the need of quick physical satisfaction.

It is a difficult task to do because it requires to be more active and to be ready to face some fears, so I understand the difficulty of getting out of this… but gathering the right kind of motivation can help.

What are the other aspects of your life that you are lacking of the most? What are you missing right now? Can you see anything that could motivated you to let go of porn?

If you manage get closer to those things, nourish them, use that motivation to try giving them more space into your brain and into your life… then maybe porn will eventually not look as appealing and stimulating than it was before. But it is necessary to have those others more gratifying kind of pleasures to be motivated!

Since you are starting a thread of this forum I’m guessing you have some kind of motivation somewhere inside you, maybe you can elaborate on that?

Linarra

Its funny that you think escapism isn’t a part of life is well, anything can be called escapism, if its drowing or writing or watching a movie, the only difference is wether you like this escapism or just a slave to it. Do you enjoy it? Or you just do it? That’s the question.

In case of porn, we are sexual beings, we want sex, when we don’t have it, we lower out standards and go for the less real yet pleasurable thing, it may be in addiction for you if you, if you use it for other things, such as treat your stress and anxiety, which can be said to anything really, not just porn, its not generation problem, its human problem, only before we didn’t get the chance to escape with those, im sure people did the same things, turned to alcohol, or writing, etc.

It doesn’t matter what you do, its why you do it.

Thank you for your reply Abhilash,

I can see how such an environment can lead you to this addiction. Being disconnected from people and under-stimulated is really hard on the human brain… It is obvious that your current work and overall situation aren’t good for you. If you managed to “somehow moving away from this place, to something meaningful” it would be easier for you to not rely on porn as a stress reliever, I think.

“when I wake up again, I feel soul less. Nothing interests me.”

Depression does that to humans, and a bad environment usually leads to a depressive state. So… it makes sense.  It is very hard to find energy and interest when you are stuck in a routine and an environment that is not good for you. It is a very tough situation to be in: you wish to get out of the situation but the situation is sucking the energy you would need to get out of the situation…

Currently, watching porn seems to be a coping mechanism, a way to get through and survive your current difficulties. Yet, as you expressed, this coping mechanism/addiction leads you nowhere meaningful. It is part of your routine, it gets you by, but it doesn’t move you towards a better place. So you’re expressing your wish for something else, something that would maybe give you the strength to “reclaim your own life”.

You already started trying to find relief in other ways, and it is great! Here are the things you tried/are trying :

– creativity (“I have tried writing stories which have helped quite a bit, but not that much.”)

– reaching out to people (which you are currently trying, by starting this thread of Tiny Buddha)

It seems to be a good attempt! And there are probably more things that could help you, and that you can figure out along the way. I hope communicating on this forum can bring you some more relief and more ideas/energy to move toward a more meaningful place! You can elaborate on your difficulties anytime on this thread.

Linarra