hi Belle,

I don’t know how to help you but if I were you I would try this: Just try to keep a respective distance with him.
If I could go somewhere else and keep myself busy. Try go somewhere that he can’t reach me or call me, but could still text me or email me if he wants to. As a friend, I would still reply mindfully but I won’t get indulge emotionally when he say those sugarcoating words anymore. If he needs someone to express his emotions, I can just be a soundboard and ignore most of that. I would just respond accordingly. That is what friends are for. To help each other out, but not emotionally abusive if he attempts to do so.
This took courage and discipline to have self control on your part, to control how you respond and listen to his words accordingly. Stay calm whenever things get emotional. You had already walked away, you just need to have a tougher head to deal with him. I am sure you will be fine.

Hi Belle,

I’m sorry you’re hurting…I feel for you, being ditched like this by someone you care about so much sucks.

As much as you want to continue to be there for him, is it worth sacrificing your own happiness and well-being? I think he has shown you that he is unreliable and unfortunately someone who is not really safe to have strong feelings for. Can you really develop a relationship with someone who will randomly disappear like that? It is not fair to yourself.

You know, I think about what you must have gone through in the 2 months he wasn’t talking to you. You got yourself through that time when you probably felt hopeless. And by the end of the two months, I bet you were starting to actually feel some semblance of normal again, right? And then BOOM! he drops back in and does it all.over.again. You do not need that person in your life. You deserve more. I agree with Mari above. I think you may have had a healthy friendship with him at one time, but it’s likely he has outgrown his purpose in your life. Again, you deserve more – someone who has the ability to be there for you and support you just like you do for him.

Good luck, do nice things for yourself 🙂

“When someone shows you who they are believe them; the first time” – that sounds like good advice.

But – from what you have said, it seems that you have known him a long time and believed him to be basically a decent person. His childhood background was likely to make it very hard (perhaps unimaginable for him?) to risk trusting someone to really love him – could the rejections in fact have been reflecting just how much he cared about you, but with deep underlying fears that you wouldn’t continue to care back, because of his early experience with his mother?

(For work, I was reading about attachment disorder in children, earlier this week – on/off attachment/rejection of others because it was what they grew up with and they don’t trust themselves to be loveable. Changing those patterns is slow, and hard work – it is possible, but not lightly taken on.)

I can’t begin to imagine how much you are hurting now. Take care of yourself – that sounds trite, but it is heartfelt. I hope there are things that you can do to nurture yourself.

Thanks everyone.

Hi @christiebell Belle

I am so sorry for the pain you are going through right now. Please know you are not alone in this.

Some relationships are not meant to be for life long. It is better to let them go and find peace in your heart that better and more fulfilling relationships are on the way.

Do not let anyone (and I am mean anyone) ever dictate your state of happiness. You are on a journey and people will come and go out of our lives just to teach us a valuable lesson – To accept self as we are and to do the same to others and to offer unconditional love to self and others. If you can do that, you are moving ahead. If you cant, you will get stuck in the rut until you get kicked again in a hard way to move forward. Choice is truly in your hands.

Be kind to yourself young lady.

Jasmine

@christiebell

Belle

I agree the pain is quite immense now so you wont be able to see any blessings. Let this pain and tears flow until you have none left. Then come back on TB in a few days and we can come up with a list of blessings that have emerged out of this event :). I can already see many blessings and assure you that you will see them too but once the acute pain is out of your system.

Jasmine

@christiebell

Belle

Take a tropical storm as an example. It comes, does its work and passes away. A sensible person doesn’t fight the storm as he / she knows it will pass and to just stay safe as much as they can.

Similarly, you are going through an emotional storm. Many questions and thoughts are going to come into your mind and will batter you around. They will try to raise more questions and uncertainty in your mind as that’s what a storm does. A sensible Belle will just let these questions and thoughts and emotions pass through as she knows everything is temporary just like sun, moon, night, day, rain, birth, death, sorrows, happiness, bad times, good times, etc.

The confusion and loneliness is not here to stay either. Let it do its job and pass. You just stay centred and don’t resist any of it. If tears flow, let them flow. If pain comes, let it flow. If you want to shout, do so. If you want to laugh, do so. It will get easier as days pass by. Find some family or friend support for a listening ear if required.

Hang in there.

J