I am a somewhat new adult, in college and living with my parents. I have spent countless years feeling like I have no control in my life and feel that I have not been following my passion. I have been trying hard, to make a life where I am with my parents, and I have lived in the same place all my life. I could not be anymore sick of it. I feel miserable all the time, I have spent years feeling out of place and alone. The city is running me to pieces.
Last year was the first year I felt like I was changing my life around. I thought I was making friends that were like me and I was taking classes I actually felt like related to my interests. I even fell in love for the first time in my life. The year has ended, and I now realize that I have not made any progress in my life. I have lived in the same place for 20 years and I still have no strong friendships, the guy I liked rejected me and I feel like I am not progressing in my goals. I cannot take it any longer, not being happy with my life! I reached a complete breaking point and I had a talk with my parents and they decided they will fund me to take a wilderness program for a year on the other side of the country to pursue learning what I love most. (which I am so thankful for! )

My problem lies not on whether or not I am going to it, but a matter of when to go.
It is between going this fall or in a year next fall. It may be just a year, but to me it makes a difference.
I want to go this fall, because I do not want to wait a minute later to move on to what I love most, to learn hands on with people who are passionate about the subject and to meet others like me. I want to become less dependent on my parents, because they are heavily controlling of my life. I also need to get out of the city because I feel out of place there and stressed beyond belief. If I go this year, I can return to my job to replace those who graduated an better help with the things I learned from the program.

Yet, I am afraid I will go through the program this year and then return back to my parents and the city to finish my degree and absolutely hate my life. And since most of the people I know at my college are seniors this year, I will return not knowing any one.

I fear that this year is not a good time, and it might be better for me to wait to go. My parents will be paying for a lot this year, and I can only help so much with the money working at minimum wage. Financially they will be more stable at paying it next year. I also am not sure how this will affect my college career. It might be better for me to continue for one more year taking the credits I need and then spending a year in the program, otherwise I might be behind.
My housing situation would be better off with me waiting a year because I can actually plan where I am living instead of scraping by whatever I can find within the next month or two.
There may be a chance that if I wait a year, I can make a life in the state where the program is, instead of returning back to my hell hole in the city. That is, it I like living there.

I also have a complex issue with the person who I fell in love with. I made my decision to leave because of him rejecting me made me feel like I need to leave my life behind. I am glad that he made me feel like that so I would take that step forward. If I leave this year, It is possible I will never see him again. Some times I think that is for the best, but at the same time I want to fix things between us because I know we would be great friends and I don’t want to run from my failures. At the same time, I could stay and he will just ignore me anyway. Maybe it is a little far fetched, but the program is something he would be interested in doing and maybe I am hoping that he would go with me next year if we some how magically end up friends. (That might be the old feelings talking) A bit ironic.

I go back an forth with wanting to go this year or the next, and I do not know what is best? I feel like it is a battle between my instinct to want to follow my dreams now, or be more logical and understand that I should wait a year. I just want to play it by ear and just go, but I want to be realistic. Advice?