Dear snap38,

My heart goes out to you and I am deeply sorry for the loss you have experienced recently. Nobody in the world would blame you for feeling the way you do.

The strongest and most grateful people in the world are often those who have gone through immense difficulty, like you have. And, most likely, the worst of it is now over. Focus now on what you can take from all of this, how you can use what has happened to live a better, more loving, more giving life.

We cannot always control what happens to us, but we can control how we react. Not that it is easy, but with a bit of practice, it is becomes easier and easier to control our focus and how we feel. The human mind is designed to rule the inner world, if you take the reins.

One way to do this is through gratitude. Consistently redirecting your mind to that which you are grateful for, no matter how hard that may be. I will tell you a brief story of how I came to learn this.

I knew a man who was a firefighter and, one time while fighting a fire, a beam fell on top of him and he could not move until he was finally saved by another firefighter. Aferwards, he was paralyzed from the waist down and burned all over. He lost the use of most of his fingers. Yet, everyone around him was amazed by his attitude: he was always smiling. I’ll never forget his answer when I asked him, “How is it that you are always smiling about all of this?” and he replied, “Because I am focusing on what I have: my life. For that I am grateful”.

Here is a simple exercise to focus your mind on gratitude. Say as much as you can throughout the day, out loud, the following:

Thank you for everything. I have no complaint whatsoever.

And say it until you feel it.

You also mentioned that you are persuing a career in medicine, that is terrific. There is no more noble cause that healing others. Continue to focus on this and how you will be able to give and give through what you learn (not only in school, but in your life).

Someday you truly will look back on all of this as a wiser and better person. Until then, practice gratitude and watch life’s beauty come back in view.

I, too, feel for your losses, snap38.

You never know what the future will bring, and someday you will look back on this time and be glad that you were able to successfully work through it because an equal set of good things will come to you.

Have you ever read Kahlil Gibran’s philosophical book “The Prophet”? In it, he has a wonderful verse about how sorrow and joy balance each other. You will only be able to feel happy to the same extent you can feel sadness.

When I was going through a sad, depressed period, this wisdom used to make me cry because of the understanding and light it provided. There is a reason for our pain. Here is a link: http://www.katsandogz.com/onjoy.html

Often when we hit bottom it comes right before a period where we find ourselves able to emerge from the depths and find our way again. It is time to surrender and start seeking answers to life’s questions. It’s the way humans learn to progress through the tests you are facing now.

Take long walks and ponder your questions. You will be able to find answers if you give yourself room and permission to seek.

Climb out of this and you will be able to help many others climb out, too. Perhaps you are being prepared to help your patients better than many other doctors can. You will have great empathy.

Here is another thing that helped me greatly and still does. It’s a Servant’s Prayer put to music by James Twyman. It will give you some of the best advice available (and you don’t have to believe in anything for it to provide a message): http://artists.letssingit.com/james-twyman-lyrics-servant-prayer-songs-from-the-peace-concerts-jmnv58d

Here is a Buddhist saying for when you are beginning to feel a bit better: “There is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way.”

May you find peace soon. Take some time off for yourself. Try to carry a lighter load of classes for awhile until you get your depression under control. You don’t need the work dragging you down further…seeking answers is better!

Counseling also helps, but make sure you find the right counselor.

You are being challenged to grow. You will see it will turn out well if you look in the right place…seek within. You have all the answers you need already. You just need to be reminded.

Very sincerly..

Try to find some great philosophies to follow. We are all alike. Thoreau said, “The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.” It is the human condition, and the reason for it is to encourage us to seek our true fate.

Please keep us posted on your progress. You are not alone.

Hello Snap38,

It seems like you’re going through a really tough time. You said, “I saw my friends’ lives that were going so well” and that made you feel so badly. The truth is that there are people who are better than us or worse than us in terms of life situations. Everybody has a different experience and most people are struggling with something even though it may not seem like it. We don’t know the underlying feelings of others because they portray a very “cool” and “easygoing” attitude, when in reality they may also be struggling. The best thing here is not to compare yourself to others, otherwise you will feel even worse about yourself.

Being away from home and family is so difficult, but we can do things to reduce the feeling of being alone and I urge you to look them up. I think it’s important to realize that the reason it’s difficult to do well is NOT because you can’t because you’re far from home. You are dealing with a lot of other things that you may have put off such as grieving for family..etc. It must also be difficult to lose family members while you are away from home. On top of all of that your parents lost their jobs. In reality, these are all things that are beyond us and we cannot control them. Things that we cannot control, we must learn to live with. The best thing to do is learn how to remain at peace. The external world is changing all the time. We must respond rather than react. Do you understand what I’m saying?

It seems as if you’ve grown apart from your friends from home and they exhibit very immature behavior. After you left home, you lost contact with them and things changed in your life and their lives as well. In these cases, you should cut them off and begin making new relationships. Just remember that hardships can help us change and become even better versions of ourselves. We can become conscious of our self and learn to prevent our emotions from controlling us.

Annie