March 16, 2017 at 4:39 pm #139887
I want to be honest and true to myself, and to practise healthy relationships with more solid boundries, which is something I’ve had trouble with in the past.
I currently have a friend who means a lot to me, and I think she values me too. She tells me about her problems a lot, and I always try to give her my complete attention and be an active listener. However, lately I’ve felt like I’d like to share my opinions as well as just validate her feelings. I know she won’t always agree or be what they want to hear. I never do, because she’s not asked for my opinion, and seems to be just looking for validation and to rant.
But, I feel like.. as a friend, I’d want my friend to give me their opinion? I’d hope they felt comfortable doing so. I guess, since she isn’t asking for my opinion, she is beginning just to see me as someone to vent to, maybe? 🙁 This has drifted into another question.
Back the original: when do you give your opinions? Do you have to be asked? I would like to be heard in relationships, but I also know if I give my opinion it probably will annoy them (generally speaking).
Right now I seem be seeing it in black and white, either be asked or not talk at all. It’s usually a grey area, depending on context and relationship?
Thanks for your time.March 16, 2017 at 8:03 pm #139959
In general, better give an opinion when asked.
In the context of your friend who vents a lot to you, it is not fair for you to be a sounding board for her and nothing else. You need to be heard too.
If I was you, I would be asking her questions based on what she shared, so to learn about her motivations, her conflicts, to understand her better. Asking her questions will promote my understanding and give her the opportunity to understand her own situation better. Then, with better understanding maybe she will come up with new ideas, and maybe you and the two of you can share those ideas.
Did I answer your question, norit (I am not sure)?
anitaMarch 17, 2017 at 8:24 am #140055
You did anita, thank you.
Everyone I know usually gives an opinion whether they are asked or not, the exception being therapists. Very rarely does anyone ask for my opinion, except for professionals, or on here (you!). I have very few friendships, but they share their opinions whether asked or not. Even in general conversation, I don’t really know when to talk or just listen.
I’m over analysing I think!March 17, 2017 at 8:34 am #140057
You bring up good points, I believe. Maybe people don’t ask for opinions because they don’t have to ask, that is people give it asked or not! People don’t desire things that are overly-available but seek for what is rare.
Regarding when to talk and when to just listen- it is something I consider myself, often enough, when I am inclined to talk while it is a better idea not to. In your case, being inclined to not talk- what if you aim to talk more than you currently talk, just more, and see how that works for you?
anitaMarch 21, 2017 at 12:58 pm #141033
‘People don’t desire things that are overly-available but seek for what is rare.’
So very true!
I’ll give it a try. Thank you anita. 🙂March 21, 2017 at 6:25 pm #141045
You are welcome norit, always a pleasure to communicate with you. Thank you for being here.