Hi.
I’m Stefan. I’m 24.

I’ve been struggling with mental health problems since I was 15.
I blame it on the acne drug Accutane, but I’m bored of feeling powerless.
By blame, I just wanted to point out when this started.
I know life is harsh on a lot of people, but I can’t help feeling that I’ve drawn an unlucky card.

I’m really lost right now.
I quit my job as a motor claims handler 2 weeks ago.
I was too depressed to do it anymore. I’d been there, full-time, since August 2013.
I’m the type who really thinks deep about everything – What is the meaning of life? What is my purpose? etc …
I’m creative and write music (www.soundcloud.com/stefan-lay) but I lack self-confidence and getting on stage isn’t going to happen.
If I tried, it’d go terribly and I can’t lie to myself and convince myself otherwise.
I also struggle from terrible brain-fog and fatigue pretty often and feel like I don’t have the same opportunities as others.

I had a job interview this morning and really struggled.
I woke up feeling like poop and the interview was competency based, meaning it’s based on examples of situations (such as, ‘When did you thrive in a team?’). My memory recall isn’t the best and although I did my best to prepare for the interview, I blagged my way through it and my answers were not brilliant.
The interview was for a motor claims handler role, again.
I went for it because it’s part time and I need money. There’s no way I could do retail again. I’m far too socially awkward and nervous.

But … it turned out the job was all based around injury claims and so I’d have to learn another thing I’d not care about learning. There would be a host of reasons why it’s worse than my last job too – Based in the city centre, meaning lots of traffic and time in my car. I’d either have to pay £5 parking all day or get the bus in and walk pretty far every day. I’d have to meet new people again. i can’t deal with it 🙁

To cut this short, what are depressed people supposed to do? How can they have a normal life?
I have to pay my Mum rent and have a car and life to pay for…
I feel like I’m not cut out for this life and I’m fed up of trying so hard to get things better. I’ve tried so hard.
How do I go on, trying to sort out a career, etc, when I barely have the will to live anymore?
Things aren’t better and I believe they can’t be now.
Stress finds me every day, and I’m burned out. No amount of sleep helps me to recover.

I just wish I wasn’t a pussy and didn’t suffer from such bad anxiety.
I know I’ll never be happy while I’m working boring and uninspiring jobs but I don’t know what else to do now.
I feel I’m too old to do ANOTHER education course.
I feel I’m not talented enough to do music.
I can’t imagine ever NOT having anxiety and depression, so how can I do the things I want to?

I know I have the potential somewhere, but this life and society are really wearing on me.
I feel so restricted and trapped by lack of options, and I just want a break from life.
I worry that I’m destined to kill myself, as there often seems no other way forward.

Please help 🙁