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Where to go from here

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This topic contains 3 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by  Susannah 3 months ago.

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  • #149745

    Rachel
    Participant

    Hello,
    I’m new to posting to this forum, however I enjoy reading they many posts and comments of support. I’m hoping some of you to offer me support/advice as well:

    I’m about to turn 25, I recently broke off a 4 year relationship with my live-in partner. The relationship was very painful, although we both loved each other I found that the relationship had become toxic and we were wounding each other, so after a great deal of contemplation I decided to end it. Since the relationship ended I have been trying to decide how to move forward in my life. I currently work for a non-profit, a pre-school for low income children and families. I love my job for the most part, I work with really amazing people and I enjoy being able to help and make a difference. Sometimes the job stresses me out, but overall I enjoy it. I also work part-time in a voice studio for additional income (my primary job doesn’t pay enough for me to manage my bills).

    I would like to go back to school, but I have been feeling a lot of uncertainty and doubt about it. Back when I was in college, I planned to go to law school for public interest law and was accepted into a top law school. I ended up taking a year off to rest after college, and got a job at a law firm. The law firm was a very toxic place, my boss was degrading and mean to me and the stress was too much to handle. Plus, the cost of law school would have put me in an enormous amount of debt, and I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to pay it all back. Finally, my ex-partner was working in part time in retail at the time, she didn’t finish college and had no real plans of going back. A part of me felt embarrassed about this, so ultimately I decided not to go. My parents were very upset that I didn’t go to law school. Growing up, they always stressed how important it was to have a real career and make a lot of money. When I was getting ready to go to college and I told them I wanted to do non-profit work, they got really mad at me. They want me to make money so I can help support them and the rest of my family, when all I ever really wanted to do was have a career where I could be happy and make a difference in the world.

    Now I’m trying to decide what to do next, and I have been thinking of going back to school for a master’s in public administration. However a part of me thinks that this would be stupid, that I wouldn’t make any money and struggle in life, and that I should be doing something more practical where I could earn more money. It’s the same thing with my current job, I always feel like I’m dumb to be working here and not making much money, and that I should be more successful. I feel torn up inside and not sure what to do, or not sure what I really want. Any advice or support would be much appreciated.

    • This topic was modified 3 months ago by  tinybuddha.
    • This topic was modified 3 months ago by  tinybuddha.
    #149751

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Rachel:

    You wrote: “They (your parents) want me to make money so I can help support them and the rest of my family”- this is their self interest, what they want- for you to support them financially.

    “when all I ever really wanted to do was have a career where I could be happy and make a difference in the world”- this is your self interest: to be happy and make a difference in the world.

    “Where to go from here”?, the title of your thread. I vote for what you want, the second part: have “a career where (you) could be happy and make a difference in the world.”

    If you go for what they want, they will be pleased and you will be angry and miserable. If you go for what you want, you have a chance to make your life worth living, to look forward to the next day.

    It is toxic (the word you used) to sacrifice your well being so to please others. Those who want you to sacrifice your well being do not deserve your sacrifice. As a matter of fact, no one deserves that you sacrifice your well being.

    The distress that you will feel displeasing your parents is much smaller than the distress that you will feel, long term, if you please them.

    Your life is yours to live as you choose, according to what you value- this is your true responsibility.

    anita

    #149753

    Alien incident47
    Participant

    <p style=”text-align: center;”>  It’s not about money but how happy you are in your career.  The best currency is what you can offer other people, to help others. I heard that and now have learned that ,because I realize that my best times in life was when I struggle more just trying to get by. So I suggest to think and look for what would make you happy and more full filled in life . You came out of a hurtful relationship and you are doing right by focusing on yourself and have new goals.  You are not dumb for being in the situation you are in , you made choices from the heart and it didn’t work out for what you had hoped.  So set the past in the past and move forward with your future,  which ever path you choose.</p>

    #149755

    Susannah
    Participant

    Dear Rachel,

     

    your heart knows the truth. The most fulfilling experiences in life are those that make you feel you can live from your heart. You have a good heart and want to do your share to make the world a better place. Whatever you study and wherever you work, never give up your values! They give you much more purpose than any well paid job without your heart would ever give.

     

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