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Why am I fearful of challenges?How should I over come it?

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This topic contains 8 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  anita 3 weeks, 6 days ago.

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  • #178471

    Ken
    Participant

    Hi all!could I seek your advice!

    I noticed that I am fearful of tasks that are going to be assigned to me.I am fearful of not being able to meet datelines.this deprived me of many opportunities. How can I try to stop being fearful of things that have not happen and seize it as an opportunity?

    Thanks all

    #178499

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Ken:

    Regarding being fearful of tasks to be assigned to you, plan on tackling those tasks bit by bit, one piece at a time, patiently. (Trying to tackle too much at too short of a time is overwhelming for an anxious person).

    Pay attention to self criticism as you tackle a task or think about tackling a task. Just as a child is scared of a parent’s criticism, so is a person scared of his own criticism. Be gentle with yourself, a guiding but loving in the way you talk to yourself.

    Explore how you felt as a child when tackling tasks, how you were treated when you tackled tasks: with impatience? Criticism? The fear you had then is the fear you have now.

    Post more, if you’d like.

    anita

    #178521

    Peter
    Participant

    Have you ever not met a task that was assigned you?

    We are more often frightened than hurt; and we suffer more from imagination than from reality. -Seneca

    The fear and worry you are experiencing is often based on wanting to be certain and in control of everything.   We can be come addicted to worry and the fear it creates. You noted that much of your fear is based on future that has not yet happened but that you are living in the present.  I suspect that if you had written down all your future fears and cross off the ones that never happened most items on the list would be crossed off. For those items not crossed off you will likely notice that you dealt with them in some way.  Still you worry, even though your history shows you deal with everything that comes your way. You may not have liked having to deal with them which is feeding into your fear but not liking and being afraid are not the same thing.

    When we worry so much we can get to a place where we take every opportunity to worry and become addicted to it. I know that sounds strange but that is what your doing when you allow yourself to be worry, and worrying become afraid of a future that has not happened. To change this you must accept the idea that you are allowing yourself to do this.

    Worry is wasting today’s time cluttering up tomorrow’s opportunities with yesterday’s troubles.

    Worry is the product of feverish imagination working under the stimulus of desires… It is a necessary resultant of attachment to the past or to the anticipated future, and it always persists in some form or other until the mind is completely detached from everything. (Meher Baba)

    If you’re doing your best, you won’t have any time to worry about failure. (H. Jackson Brown, Jr.)

    Oh soul, you worry too much. You have seen your own strength. You have seen your own beauty. You have seen your golden wings. Of anything less, why do you worry? You are in truth the soul, of the soul, of the soul. (Rumi)

    • This reply was modified 4 weeks, 1 day ago by  Peter.
    #178593

    Ken
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    Thank you for the reply and advice:)

    1) I would plan to tackle these tasks bit by bit.

    Sometimes I do get anxious,as I plan to tackle these tasks bit by bit.because I tend to worry that there is so much to do and I would not be able to finish it.

    But over the years,I have learnt to focus on my present task and get it done.

    However,when time is really pressing,my subconscious mind knows the task is urgent ,i find it hard to breathe at times and I find it hard to focus.

    I am trying out to take deep breathes and to take a short break to the toliet if I do observe that I am losing focus.Are there other methods to control my mind better?

    2) When I was a child,i was not good with my hands. I was clumsy and would often be critised by my parents that I am always so clumsy and cannot even do a small thing.

    I felt very sad and did not feel good about myself. I remember myself avoiding to do things to avoid breaking something or to make a mistake.

    In school,when tackling with exams,I always felt that I will need to spend 24/7hours studying,not to waste any single minute.I will always try to plan ahead what modules to study in order to be able to complete studying all modules.

    I know I am slower than others in absorping knowledge, so I would spend almost 100percent of my time studying.I fear I cannot be fully prepared as I know I am slower than others. But at work it is difficult to spend more time understanding the issues as time is pressing. So I fear I cannot deliver.

    I fear I cannot perform and did not want others to look down on me.

    But as years pass,I know the fear of others looking down at me is a self critism. I can only allow others to look down on me if I look down of myself.

    3) As I would be taking on a new job in the coming week,I am telling myself to stop fearing and just focus on the task.

    I am hoping to use meditation to calm my mind so as to focus on the present. I hope I can breathe throught the challeges,face head on and dont avoid from the challenges.

    #178597

    Ken
    Participant

    Dear Peter,

    Thank you for the reply and advice:)

    In relation to the question if I have ever not met a task that iwas assigned to, I think I am good at running away from completing the task.this was something which I realised about myself throughout the years and it is something I would like to stop it from happening.

    I have barely stayed in a job for more than 2years. I left one of my job within 6months as I felt so stress in not being able to complete the tasks assigned to me.the sales department will be constantly questioning our team if the on boarding documents are completed. I felt stress n things were not within my control. So I left the company.

    In my subsequent job,we were assigned to projects that I felt it required much research.Proper directions were not given and multiple unnecessary approval were needed. I did not feel very happy to continue with the job so I left the company.

    I now fear the challenges that I will face in this next job!I know I need to over come them!I know the reason why I wanted to join this new firm.I know that I want to strengthen my knowledge in this field!I am fearful that I cannot take up the challenge-adapting to the new systems,not being able to deliver datelines,not being able to over come longer working hours.

    Thank you peter for reminding me that the fear and worry I am experiencing is often based on wanting to be certain and in control of everything.

    Worry is wasting today’s time cluttering up tomorrow’s opportunities with yesterday’s troubles.

    Worry is the product of feverish imagination working under the stimulus of desires… It is a necessary resultant of attachment to the past or to the anticipated future, and it always persists in some form or other until the mind is completely detached from everything. (Meher Baba)

    These quotes are really good 🙂 I will learn to live in the present and to stay positive! My goal and aim is to overcome the challenges,face it head on!and to stay on for a longer period in a company and achieve certain level of achievement!nothing is impossible!its all in the mind:) thanks lots peter for the quotes:)

    #178599

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Ken:

    Most likely you were not born clumsy, not being able to complete tasks or being slower than others in absorbing knowledge. Most likely this is what happened: you were the same as most other children, needing time to learn how to accomplish tasks correctly, over trial and error, with a parent’s encouragement.

    Problem was your parent/s expected you to accomplish tasks correctly the first time, or the second, quicker than what is reasonable to expect. When you failed their unreasonable expectations, they criticized you, telling you that you are “not good with (your) hands”, that you are “clumsy and cannot even do a small thing”.

    Children believe what their parents say, and so you believed it and your core beliefs were formed. Something else happened as they criticized you: anxiety. When anxious it takes more time to process and absorb information- this is true for every person. We process and absorb information best when calm.

    The more anxious- the more time it takes and the less effective the processing and absorption.

    Interestingly enough I was told the same thing you were told (quotes above) and I too spent an unbelievable amount of time studying, and so, I believed there was something wrong with me. It is only recently that I discovered, to my great surprise that I am not clumsy. And that I can do a lot of things and complete them well. I had no idea. But I have, in practice. It is proven.

    I am also pretty good at processing information on these threads, like this one, yours. It doesn’t take me long.

    How indeed limiting our core beliefs.

    I greatly recommend quality psychotherapy for you so that you can explore your core beliefs and correct them. These core beliefs, unfortunately, were inflicted on you. But you are the only person who can initiate correcting them through work and patience, and persistence.

    I hope you post again with your thoughts and feelings.

    anita

    #178611

    Ken
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    Thank for the advice and insights!it makes me understand the situation better!

    Will i be able to do quality psychotherapy on my own as it is expensive to see a psychology.feel free to correct me,I understand that in quality psychotherapy individuals are encouraged to identify any patterns of thoughts, feelings and actions that reinforce negativity in their life. Clients learn strategies for breaking these patterns, and they practice these outside the therapy sessions, often keeping a diary of their experiences.

    In order to help myself,I shall keep a diary!

    Anita:greatly appreciate the insights you shared!:)

    #178613

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Ken:

    You are welcome. In absence of quality therapy (one with a therapist who is competent, wise, caring, honest, hard working, trustworthy, etc.), there is work you can do- I can suggest some things since I went through quality therapy.

    This is what I suggest (and it is “identify any patterns of thoughts” that you mentioned): when you are faced with a task and feel anxious, notice or identify the thoughts you have. Many of these thoughts are not whole sentences, many are so automatic, you don’t “hear” words, but sometimes you do. Notice, what are those thoughts? For example: I am not good at this. (A person watching you) can see I am clumsy.

    This is an exercise you can do today, whenever you feel fearful or anxious, identify the thoughts, keep a diary of it, part of a day, and come back to this thread, share your diary, or part of it, if you’d like.

    anita

    #178615

    anita
    Participant

    * didn’t submit correctly…

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