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Why am i still single? Could it be that there’s isnt really the one for me?

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  • #339424
    Felix
    Participant

    Hi everyone,

    I’m 21 this year and im still single. I know most people would say that its still a young age and focus on your career and love yourself. As for loving myself i did achieve that, and it’s all thanks to the previous topic i started here and everyone giving opinions has helped me in achieving on how to love myself and i have accept who i am thankfully. As for finding career, i’ll work with my parents as they’ll provide a role for me in the company in which in the future i’ll have to succeed them.
    I’m really struggling to find a girl to have a relationship with me. Previously i have having time moving on with a girl who’s still in highschool and eventually i succeed (those who reply my previous topics know which girl is it). Lately i’ve tried to message 2 girls that i’m attracted to, in which i havent met but have followed her instagram. I know instagram isnt a dating site but in my country its a platform to get close to ur crushes, it could be by replying their stories. But only after sharing a few conversation, both of those girls didnt reply to my texts anymore. I feel sad, not sad about my appearance or anything, its just that i’ve always wanted a relationship of myself since like 5 years ago and it always end up me getting rejected like this. Maybe its one of my mistakes because im really picky in liking a girl, but it’s just that i cant force into liking someone im not attracted to. Most people said that money will bring u closer in getting girls, but truth is i think it dont. Well im good financially, but never found one for me. Most of my close friends are all introverts and they cant really help me in getting to know new girls that maybe i can get attracted to. Im frustrated that maybe i wont find a girl. Both of the girls that didnt reply to my texts are both im attracted to, but ended up making me feeling down. Im just confused if there is something wrong with me or maybe im a bad luck person… I’m always imagining where i can have a meal together with a girl, movie date together, i’ll really cherish her when i have one… But i never had one. I even think that maybe i wont get to marry a girl im attracted too, i’ll forcefully marry someone that i didnt like… Maybe this sounds crazy haha…and also I dont know if i sound too demanding, but its just that i’m really grateful if anyone could give me some advice to make my mindset into a better one in approaching this, as most opinions on my previous topics here has helped me mostly.

    Regards

    Felix

    #339444
    Tari
    Participant

    Felix,

    Thank you for sharing. I am 25, working on my masters and have a career, financials are all straight and I am an independent woman.. and guess what?! I’m having trouble finding a guy. I even wrote a thread about it. The reason why I am mentioning this to you is because everyone is going through it.

    I want you to list all the qualities you look for in a potential ‘dream girl’. The reason why I ask is that it sounds like you are only looking for girls that you are physically attracted to. Hate to break it to you but looks fade. Also, do you only want a girl with you because you ‘have money’?

     

    In my opinion, you have not met the right girl because you are looking in all the wrong places. Even woman who are attractive can have really bad personalities.

     

    I believe there is a woman out there for you but you are not ready for her, partially because you have not matured. The woman you spoke to on IG is the modern way to ‘shoot your shot’ so I get that. Perhaps you flexed too much and the girls thought you were arrogant and cocky. I hope you realize many woman have their financials straight too. Many  woman do not have to rely an a guy, so you have to bring more to the table.

     

    I have introverted friends as well and I do not hold them accountable to help me find a guy. You shouldn’t either because even if they did find a girl attractive they would snatch her up themselves.

     

    Loving yourself is important. Focusing on yourself is important. I hear it all the time. When its meant to be the right person will come along.. even I am waiting patiently. I have gotten my heart broken and been abandoned twice. You learn and get better.

    #339450
    Felix
    Participant

    Dear Tari thank you for replying,

    I’m not looking a girl only because i find her physically attractive, i’m very selective in finding a girl i wanna chase and that’s one of the reasons why im tired if i have to switch and change into another girl that i wanna chase. Before i chase, i’d have to find out about her family background and also a bit of personality. Usually girls that i chase are mostly innocent girls who never go out till midnight, and are usually close to their parents. But this is also causing me into having a hard time in getting close to them by meeting in real life, that’s why i try to use instagram to chase her but it didnt work as she didnt replied. So my dream girl is that she’s physically attractive (cute) and doesnt need to be really pretty like having lots of make up, and she’s a conservative girl and close to her parents and didnt go hanging out with weird boys. Basically like u call a “good girl”. But even these “good girl” also rejected me… I’m so frustrated haha

    And also i dont want a girl who only wants money, but its just that most people said that as long as u have money u’ll have it easier in finding girls. In which i’m financially good, still i cant find it easy in getting one.

    Well for introverted friends, yes i shouldnt hold them accountable… but it’s just that to find new people i’ll have to rely a bit on them too right… to find a new girl for me to chase. Because to find the right person i’ll need to move around people right.

    I feel that i’m matured enough to be in a relationship, and i have love myself since few months ago. But right now i’m still trying to be patient waiting for god to give me a pathway to find the right one for me.

    #339458
    Valora
    Participant

    Both of the girls that didnt reply to my texts are both im attracted to, but ended up making me feeling down. Im just confused if there is something wrong with me or maybe im a bad luck person…

    Hi Felix!

    I’ve singled these two sentences out, because they’re important. You are basing that second statement on the rejection of TWO girls.  What were your expectations when you messaged them?

    I would also suggest you continue to work on loving yourself. It’s an ongoing process, and you should definitely keep going at least until you get to the point that you realize that someone’s rejection doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you or that you have bad luck. It just means they aren’t a match for you. Not everyone will be a match, and so far, from what you’ve posted here, you’re sort of beating yourself up over the fact that three girls haven’t been a match for you, but that number is very, very low. This doesn’t mean you should be going after girls you’re not attracted to… just alter your expectations a bit when you do talk to girls or when you message them… just because you’re interested in dating them does not mean they’ll be interested in dating you. This does not mean anything is wrong with you or that you should change anything about yourself to make them interested (because that would not be genuine). This is true for literally everyone on the planet. One person’s interest will never guarantee the other person’s interest… and dating is hard. It’s sort of a number’s game. The more people you get to know, the more likely you’ll find someone who is just as interested in you as you are of them.

    #342258
    Felix
    Participant

    Dear valora

    I have read your advices and i understand that its not my fault if she is not interested because that’s they way love works. But still till now i haven’t met someone new because i’ve been doing the same activity and hanging out with the same group of friends… I can’t even find a girl that i’m interested to chase, i feel worried right now that my thoughts are that i wont be in a relationship forever. I even have the crazy thoughts that maybe the only way to have a girl is to find someone i’m not interested in. Idk why but since im in middle school i’ve been longing to have someone who will like me because previous years when im still at school, there isnt a girl who have a crush on me. I’ve been waiting but still it came to this situation.
    You can read my previous threads to see how is my love progress throughout time. I’m ending uni soon and will work with my family… and i wont meet someone new… i’m so worried i’ll stay single forever. Can u give me some tips to stop this obsessive thinking?

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