December 7, 2017 at 7:58 am #180931
I have noticed somethings about myself!
I tend to get jealous of people who works faster and harder than me. I always wonder why do I have such negative thoughts!
I want to feel happy for them and want to learn as much as I can from them! I do not want to say hurtful things to them.
How can I do that?December 7, 2017 at 9:41 am #180945
“…feelings like disappointment, embarrassment, irritation, resentment, anger, jealousy, and fear, instead of being bad news, are actually very clear moments that teach us where it is that we’re holding back. They teach us to perk up and lean in when we feel we’d rather collapse and back away. They’re like messengers that show us, with terrifying clarity, exactly where we’re stuck. This very moment is the perfect teacher, and, lucky for us, it’s with us wherever we are.” ― Pema Chödrön
“Do. Or do not. There is no try.” – yoda
My intention is not to be flippant… that is exactly what you will discover as you practice noticing your jealousy and choosing to allow the thoughts and emotion to pass through vice fixating on them and projecting them onto others.
By noticing and acknowledging that being jealous of others is not who you wish to be you are on the path to move past such emotions. You also appear to be aware that your jealousy is a projection of anger onto others whose way of being somehow reveals perceived personal shortcomings within yourself. Knowing this you can start to practice being grateful to those that show you where you hope to do better and in this way, can be happy for them and yourself.
(Practice when viewed as trying assumes that what we are trying to do is perfect and certain which can close the door to learning better and loving oneself as we are. Practice as a way of being and doing has the goal of learning better and learning better doing better which opens the door to creativity and gratefulness. )
“The only reason we don’t open our hearts and minds to other people is that they trigger confusion in us that we don’t feel brave enough or sane enough to deal with. To the degree that we look clearly and compassionately at ourselves, we feel confident and fearless about looking into someone else’s eyes. ”
“Meditation practice isn’t about trying to throw ourselves away and become something better. It’s about befriending who we are already.”― Pema Chödrön
December 7, 2017 at 10:07 am #180961
- This reply was modified 10 months, 2 weeks ago by Peter.
From communicating with you on your other thread, I understand that the reason you “get easily jealous of others” who work “faster and harder” than you is because you are angry because you believe you are clumsy, that you don’t work well. It is what your parents told you and you believe to be true.
As I shared with you on the other thread, this core belief, that you are clumsy, that you don’t work as well as others, is most likely not true.
But you believe it is true. And because you believe it is true, you don’t perform as well as if you believed you are good with your hands and that you are a good worker.
So you see others performing better than you and you get angry, wanting to say hurtful things to them.
How to feel happy for them, you asked. I don’t think you can or should try to force yourself to feel any different from what you feel. Your feelings are good as they are, they carry important messages. This jealousy carries the message, I believe, that you can… and should challenge the belief that you are not a good worker by nature.
You will see that if you challenge this belief, you will find out that you are a good worker, not less than the others you are jealous of.
anitaDecember 8, 2017 at 3:45 am #181047
Thank you anita and peter for ur advices:)December 8, 2017 at 3:50 am #181051
You are welcome, Ken.