Home→Forums→Relationships→Why don't I love the man that is so right on paper :/
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November 20, 2017 at 8:19 pm #178861SophieParticipant
Hi everyone
thank you for your help and support previous to you reading this! It’s very much appreciated as I’m slightly confused so any help is great.
So about 7-8 weeks ago I was waiting at a bus stop waiting to go to town when I met this guy (happens organically which I love) he was so so charming and lovely and asked if I would fancy a drink. One thing lead to another and we got dating I guess you could say. Here is my confusion, he is the nicest guy I have ever met in my 27 years, so so loving and super caring, he treats me and buys stuff for me (not that I ever expect it) he is everything I would write down on paper “what I want in a guy” but for some reason I find myself sometimes being attracted to him and sometimes not, my friends all say he’s good looking but not a “stunner” sometimes when I’m with him I think he could be the one and then other times I think I don’t feel it anymore.
we live about an hour away from each other so when I’m home over the week I crave his love and attention, he has told me he loves already and I sometimes find it awkward but I have said it back ( that one day where I felt he might be the one)
trust me, I know this sounds terrible and so so shallow but I do t know what to do. I’m English and currently in Canada so I do like the thought of me meeting a candian Boy so organically but I just don’t know what these feeling mean
can anyone pleas help.
thank you
x
November 21, 2017 at 4:57 am #178893InkyParticipantHi Sophie,
You could be having instinctive “It’s too good to be true” feelings. That something could suddenly go horribly wrong. That this is a temporary façade.
Or, you aren’t used to being treated this nicely and so it does not compute with your reality.
I would take things slow, see where it leads, and not get hung up on “Is He The One?” thoughts.
Good Luck!
Inky
November 21, 2017 at 8:29 am #178923AnonymousGuestDear Sophie:
Welcome back and congratulations for executing your plan to move to Canada.
Regarding your changing feelings to this new man in your life: I think it is understandable, that your feelings for him change.
When a man is not interested in you, or is interested in you in a very limited way, then you might feel the same craving for him, the same exhilaration when with him, the craving is in that exhilaration. People often feel the same craving a lifetime.
But when you are in a relationship with a man who is interested in you, then sometimes you feel that same craving and at other times you feel fear following doubt. It is not just the craving.
Does this make sense to you?
anita
November 21, 2017 at 7:53 pm #179041SophieParticipantHi Anita and Inky
thank you so much for you help.
Anita, I kind of get you but I just still don’t understand why sometimes I like him and sometimes I don’t?? Is it just the case I like? I think I’m being really shallow but I can’t help it. He’s so nice so when I finally have my everything why am I finding faults! ?
thank you
soohie
November 22, 2017 at 4:40 am #179101AnonymousGuestDear Sophie:
Let’s examine this: what are the faults you found in him? List them specifically, if you’d like.
anita
November 23, 2017 at 8:08 am #179229PeterParticipant“My life looked good on paper – where, in fact, almost all of it was being lived.” ― Martin Amis
November 23, 2017 at 5:38 pm #179275Wanderlust16ParticipantCould it be that you lost interest because he already confesses his love for you? He’s already conquered and the excitement is gone! Many of us are attracted to the thrill of the catch, wanting what we can’t have. I’m one of these people, always attracting emotionally unavailable men, hence, still single. The guys that genuinely liked me and were nice to me I didn’t want because they didn’t make enough money or not handsome enough. I found shallow excuses not be with them. I was always chasing after the next best thing and wanted to win their love. It was futile! It took me a while to figure this out and going forward, I’ll shift my expectations and see how it goes. Could you be doing the same thing? Fear of commitment?
November 23, 2017 at 9:08 pm #179279SophieParticipantYes this could be me also wanderlust16 I can understand what you saying in many levels.
Sometimes he can just be to nice, always calls me nice names, gets me stud from the super market, always wants to see me… he gives me no mystery or chase but he is a very lovely guy I just feel so terrible for even thinking this, I feel I’m never going to be happy because there is a guy standing in front of me that is so so nice and I just don’t know how I feel. He’s done nothing wrong at all so that’s y I was a little confused.
Sophie
November 24, 2017 at 4:47 am #179289AnonymousGuestDear Sophie:
You wrote that “He’s done nothing wrong at all”- maybe he just didn’t ask you questions about you, about what you value, what motivates you, what you care about most in life, how you feel, what you think… maybe he is not curious to get to know you. And maybe you don’t ask him questions either and so, the two of you are not getting to know each other more and more… and so, it is boring. If that is the case, then it is “nothing wrong at all” – just boring, unchallenging, niceness without depth.
Could that be the case?
anita
November 25, 2017 at 8:29 pm #179413SophieParticipantThank you Anita
he is very into my values and his values in live are the same as mine.he is very supportive and knows what my motives in life are and loves the way I think and feel about live values so I don’t think it’s that so much.
maybe I’m am very shallow, only sometimes do I find him attractive and also sometimes I think he can be to nice so there is no mystery.
its confusing how when you meet the loveliest most caring person you do like them as much as you hoped.
thank you for your supportive once again
sophie
November 26, 2017 at 4:44 am #179443AnonymousGuestDear sophie:
You are welcome. When you wrote that maybe you are very shallow, you are referring to the fact that you sometimes do not find him physically attractive, correct?
There is the physical attraction element. The previous guy you moved away from, you wrote that he was extremely good looking. This guy is not as good looking, correct?
This guy is also “too nice”. I wonder what too nice means to you and if it is connected to what you wrote June 29: “I love the feeling of a man looking after me and being in control so I guess that’s what I will miss”- I wonder if this man in your life right now, if he is not “being in control” and that is what you are missing?
anita
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