Hi Anita

I think this is a really complicated and nuanced subject to talk about. I do agree with you about the difficulties with severe trauma.

I think that with anything, these things should be taken with a pinch of salt. The only freedom from suffering is to become a Buddha.

Everyone is different and has different experiences. Some people do have experiences of letting go in different ways. I don’t mean this in a bad way, so please bear with me. I truly believe that people don’t mean this in a bad way. They are just communicating what has helped them. I do understand that it can be hurtful and frustrating because it is not as easy as it sounds to do. Much easier to say the words than go through the difficult process of doing it. A journey which it seems to me you are on by the way.

I’m going to share some of my own experiences to show what these have looked like for me.
After many years of therapy and specifically prolongued exposure therapy I felt absolutely drained. Intense therapy isn’t easy for me and I was non-functioning going through it. It did stop the flashbacks spontaneously occurring. I just needed to take a break after it and not focus so much on the past to function better in my day to day.

At my worst I would have emotional meltdowns. Crying spells for hours. And the thoughts would cycle. With a chronic pain condition that worsens with stress I was in agony. I had been practicing meditation during the times where I was more relaxed and I managed to quiet my thoughts in meditation. I thought, if I can do it in meditation. Perhaps I can do it outside of meditation. I was in a ton of pain and in the middle of a melt down. I literally thought to myself I can’t do this anymore. It is destroying me. STOP! And it did. It took practice to be able to do this consistently. It is very hard to let go of painful emotions.

Emotional meltdowns served a purpose for me. A child uses them to communicate and get attention. I figured out that simply asking for a hug is a better way to get comfort than crying.

In the past, my identity revolved around my conditions physical and mental. It was scary to realise that I had no identity outside of that. Who would I be without it? What if I tried and failed? There is nowhere to hide then. In time, I came to learn that there are many other parts of me and that fear was limiting my autonomy.

Letting go – the book. Allowing emotions to be without keeping the cycle going or repressing them. Letting them move freely and without attachment would be more accurate. This involves facing emotional blocks to letting go.

I will add that a baby when faced with what is distressing it will continue to cry even when comforted. Removing the baby from the stimulus and distracting the baby, due to their short attention span is far more effective.

Conflict for me has a specific role. Hearing the pain that other people express. Being respectful and gentle in communication, no matter what and expressing support even when I’m hurt.

I hope that it helps to see that letting go has many meanings and understanding that it is not a simple or easy process.

I’m sorry that people saying these things has hurt you. I hope that you don’t judge yourself about your own experiences. ❤️

I feel like many times people are uncomfortable with vulnerability, especially when it comes to perceiving the person as suffering. People don’t know what to say and don’t phrase these things very well. Ultimately, they just wish the person wasn’t suffering. Not such a bad wish really.