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Why would my friend accepted her ex’s friend request?

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  • #356382
    Barbu
    Participant

    She was ditched by him like an old towel with no explanation whatsoever, and he’s waltzed back into her life saying sorry and telling her he still loves her.

    She’s accepted his friend request.

    The only reason I can think is because she still likes him?

     

    Her ex has given an explanation as to why he ghosted her, but he’s also told her he still has feelings, and I’m pretty sure he wants her back.

    #356810
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Barbu:

    “why would my friend accepted her ex’s friend request”?- my guess is that she did because he “told her he still has feelings”, and she has feeling for him as well, like you suggested: “she still likes him”.

    anita

    #356818
    Barbu
    Participant

    thanks Anita,

    The reason why I think she still likes him is that instead of ignoring him after he had told stuff like “I can’t stop thinking of you, morning, day and night, you are in my thoughts and in my heart”… he’s basically told her he still loves her no?

    She’s accepted his friend request… meaning the door is open?

    #356820
    Barbu
    Participant

    But then again… she didn’t answer his apology… she just accepted his friend request (which was sent before)

    #356828
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Barbu:

    I would say that accepting a person’s friend request = an open door. Reads like you are emotionally invested in her story, not wanting her to have a door open for him. I wonder if she complained to you about him in the past and you got angry at him along with her, and now .. seems like she will be getting back with him leaving you behind, angry at him all alone.

    If this is the case, it is a common case, and it is a shame because friendships sour when it happens.

    anita

    #357152
    Barbu
    Participant

    Update:

     

    Just found out that my friend told her ex that she “likes the idea of them doing something together but she’s afraid of the result”

    This is probably why he’s told her he still has feelings for her and that he thinks he has a chance.

    #357159
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Barbu:

    Can you share about your friendship with the woman your thread is about: how long have you known her, how often do you talk with her, do the two of you talk only about her ex boyfriend or do you talk  about your life as well?

    anita

    #357165
    Barbu
    Participant

    <p style=”text-align: right;”>We’ve known eachother since nursery, so a good 20 years.

    </p>
    We’re quite close and speak often to eachother, but not necessarily about her ex.

    #357167
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Barbu:

    I figure you are either afraid that your friend will get hurt again or you are very angry at her ex, likely both. Am I correct?

    If I am correct, how hurt was she when she “was ditched by him like an old towel with no explanation whatsoever”- was she able to function when that happened or did she stay in bed for days and weeks..?

    anita

     

    #357169
    Barbu
    Participant

    She was completely blindsided when he ghosted her and then for months she wasn’t the same. She told me about her issues with her relationships and how she never quite felt the same again.

    #357172
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Barbu:

    I am trying to figure out what exactly you are worried about, regarding your friend and her ex boyfriend who might be her boyfriend again. I figure that if she was very hurt and in a very bad shape after he ghosted her the first time, then I assume you don’t want to  see her hurt like that again. But if she was sad but okay after he ghosted her the first time, maybe she’ll be okay if it happens again.

    You wrote that after he ghosted her, “for months she wasn’t the same”- what do you mean by her not being the same.. and is she back to being the same now?

    anita

    #357178
    Barbu
    Participant

    That’s why I’m particularly worried about her: I don’t want her to be hurt/ghosted again like last time.

    My friend has the knack of making it seem like she’s ok, when she really isn’t. I managed to get her to open up about how it had made her feel, and that’s when she told me that she’s had issues with her relationships and that it badly affected her and still does.

    I thought she was getting better because she started to see someone before last summer. They went on a trip together and I really thought she had put the past behind her.

    That’s when her ex sent her the apology and told her he still has feelings for her – when she was in the relationship.

    Her ex sent her a friend request soon after.

    All I know is that she didn’t accept it straight away.

    She and her boyfriend broke up, and that’s when I noticed that she had accepted her ex’s friend request.

    He hasn’t been in touch with her since.

    #357181
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Barbu:

    “He hasn’t been in touch with her since”- maybe he will stay away from your friend. Just like your friend found another guy after the previous and went on a trip  together with the new guy, it is possible that her ex boyfriend (the guy you don’t want back into her life), has a new interest in his life, someone new that he is now involved with.

    You feel very strongly about your friend and about this very troubling idea to you, that she may go back to him. I wonder if this is something that keeps you awake at nights or troubles you a lot otherwise, kind of taking over your life. Is  this the case?

    anita

    #358209
    Barbu
    Participant

    She’s told him that she likes the idea of them trying something but she’s afraid of the result.

    What are your opinions of that?

    #358213
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Barbu:

    You found out that she told him that “she likes the idea of them trying something but she’s afraid of the result” 12 days ago. Seems to me that on one hand she wanted to get back together with him, and on the other hand, she was afraid of getting back together with him, afraid that she will feel closer to him again, and then he’ll hurt her somehow, maybe ghost her again.

    She said it 12 days ago or earlier. Maybe she had a change of mind and heart since, particularly if he didn’t contact her for a long time.

    anita

    • This reply was modified 1 month ago by anita.
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