Hi Lisa,

I’m unclear with your question, but believe you are asking if you get married while in medical school, how would the schedule you’d be undertaking in residency affect your relationship.

My son’s girlfriend, who he intends to marry, is in her second year of her residency program.  Their relationship began a few years ago when she was in medical school.  There is a lot of stress in the residency program; her hours fluctuate and she can be quite exhausted.  During COVID, he’s been living with her in her apartment, as he is finishing up his Master’s degree in grad school but all is remote.  They had some difficulty because when she got home and needed time to unwind, which meant going into the bedroom for hours just to read, he was feeling a bit neglected.  They talked about this and he understands that she needs the space to decompress.

I think, and I’m not an expert, that as long as you communicate your needs upfront and you know what your partner needs in order to unwind, which may not include togetherness, you can manage a relationship.

And also, there’s the issue of the “matching program” in your last year of medical school.  Where you go where you’re “matched”.  You need to think about if you are both willing to go to wherever the program sends the medical student.

I hope I helped you a bit.  I’m basing this on my son’s relationship with his girlfriend who is in her residency program.  Communication is the key, as it is in any relationship.

Best to you,

Katie

• This reply was modified 4 years ago by Katie.
• This reply was modified 4 years ago by Katie.