Dear Anita,

We have pretty similar views on world structure and the sense of it all. Which I find very important in a relationship with anyone.

And the second similarity was how he acted. If you have siblings, you probably know this feeling , when you have been raised in one system and field , you have pretty similar thought flow. And so because of it your reactions on something that’s happening are the same. They don’t need to be always the same , but your attention to some things are lead in the same time. I had the same with him. Though we didn’t see each other for years.

yes, when phrase it like not cautious it takes a negative meaning. But for me, this incautiousness was something positive. Because he made me break my walls.

• This reply was modified 6 years, 5 months ago by tidalwave.
• This reply was modified 6 years, 5 months ago by tidalwave.
• This reply was modified 6 years, 5 months ago by tidalwave.

Dear Anita

I initiated the break up of few reasons

1. I was going to another country and he said before , that he can’t wait “ everything or nothing”

2. My parents pressured on me , telling me how much disappointment it was for me to start a reletionship with him

So when I wrote him, that “I think we need to stop our relationship right now “ he answered really angry. Without any signs of understanding and saying that it was my fault , that we end like this . Because I knew that I will go away eventually , so we couldn’t be together in one country.

But for me it was different. He wrote me first , abd after some texting I told him that I am studying abroad. So he knew it from the beginning.

I tried to stay as neutral as possible because of it. But as soon as we met it all eskalated into a relationship pretty quickly.

so basically he was saying me , that I deserve this kind of situation, because i was the one who used him , came from another country and then went back.

About talking.
My problem with talking was back in my teens. Over-analyzing,  self-consciousness.  This time with him I just fell back into this pattern, which I had. Because it was a kind of self-defense instinct I had before.  As much I am analyzing it, I see in what way it was different.

First time we met I felt pretty weird because I wasn’t in relationship before. But I saw that it was escalating pretty quickly.  What I noticed that day, that I just couldn’t imagine myself in this situation before.It was exciting so I went into a “viewer mode” . I didn’t talk much, just observing this situation from a “bird view”, like it was not happening to me. That was weird indeed.

When he came to my town , we’ve talked normally (much better) , as I wrote before, I could tell him really deep things because I felt no walls around us anymore (somehow).

But this “he often wanted to hear what I feel, and what I think about doing next. And I just was silent. And said nothing… I couldn’t talk. The anxiety was so overwhelming that I just remained silent all the freaking time” was different.

He asked me all the time “What is next” . It was about the relationship we started. He wanted us to be together, me to stay there. But it was like he wanted me to decide what I am going to do right in the moment.  And so I became silent again. After this he actually apologized, telling me that it was to much pressure.

• This reply was modified 6 years, 5 months ago by tidalwave.

Sorry to confuse you.  I am confused myself, this situation was pretty unusual to me. But i am trying to tell you as much as possible.
How different do you see this situation now? And do you think, I should write him now, after hearing all that?