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  • #117403
    jock
    Participant

    I’ve had two incidents this year of women at work who are senior to me, rubbing me “affectionately” on the back. Now the first incident was harmless enough, just letting me know I’m doing a good job. But the second one bothered me more. my female line manager was 20 minutes late for a meeting with me, rubs me on the back when she arrives to express an apology for her lateness. But then throughout the meeting, she is barking at me for things I’ve done wrong and not performed well. This behaviour bothers me because there is a mixture of manipulation and intimidation used. So you end feeling abused by the end.
    Hypocrisy too. if a male manger was to touch a female employee on the back, they would be liable for harassment.

    #117431
    anita
    Participant

    Dear jock:

    So very, very good to have you here! Delighted! Your words “you cant beat her!” still play in my mind, from time to time and still provide me with inspiration: thank you!

    Regarding the touching you described by the female line manager- it is the manipulative aspect of it that would bother me too (in addition to not liking the uninvited touch itself, in the context of a non- personal relationship perhaps).

    She touched you to express her apology for inconveniencing you as if she values your time (apologizing or being late) and then she continues to bark at you and in so doing, clearly not valuing your feelings, and proceeding to hurt you. So which is it?

    I would tell her to stop barking. Somehow, I would assert myself with her.

    Again, good, good… very good to read from you again!

    anita

    #117446
    jock
    Participant

    good to hear from you too anita

    #117451
    LakshmiPC
    Participant

    Lakshmi

    #117454
    jock
    Participant

    This is a form of bullying I’ve noticed used by women in the workplace. They’ll use the softening up strategy followed by the knee in the groin. In this case, used by someone who has seniority so realistically speaking, they get away with it. Am I going to say to my female boss “hey stop harassing me” and then ask her for a reference when I leave the company? No. And they know that.They hold a lot of power. And the bosses above them will turn a blind eye unless some brave whistleblower exposes them and sacrifices their own future.

    #117455
    anita
    Participant

    Dear jock:

    Maybe you can say to her right after she touched you: “You just touched me. For future reference, don’t do it again.” You don’t use the legal word “harass” but plenty assertive nonetheless.

    I like your post on the other thread, hope it is okay to copy this sentence from that other post:

    “being ourselves may not get us the rewards of others’ worship but it will contribute to something less obvious, our integrity and self-respect.”

    To connect this quote to this thread: being yourself, jock, protecting your integrity and self respect would include being appropriately assertive regarding not being touched or barked at in the work place!

    anita

    #117467
    jock
    Participant

    well connected as usual anita
    well connected, tied up and explained.
    you’ve nailed it yet again in my opinion
    anita you cant beat her again

    #117473
    anita
    Participant

    Dear jock:

    Like in the good-old-days, you and I on tiny Buddha at the same time… I am smiling now just like I did then. Good-old-tiny-buddha evenings.

    Thank you for the poem, “can’t beat her again”- still means just as much to me.

    Jack, Juanita, jock.

    anita

    #117478
    jock
    Participant

    This thread title sounds more like a male fantasy than a complaint. 🙂

    #117503
    anita
    Participant

    Dear jock:

    I didn’t think you will be back so fast- what a delight! Wish I was here half an hour earlier. Classic jack-Juanita-Jock humor- didn’t occur to me, definitely, I see it now. Women-touching-men. Yes, I see it.

    Again, did I mention, a delight you are here. A surprise visit.

    anita

    #117508
    anita
    Participant

    Dear jock:

    I just traveled memory lane, back in time through our communications here- good, good stuff, Board Meeting of Inner Selves was one of many excellent threads you came up with, many poems, lots of wit, humor- lots and lots of humor, what a delight to go through your threads and posts. I went back all the way to your very first thread here on tiny Buddha, one dated May 27, 2014.

    To my surprise, it is almost the same topic as this very thread. The title was (not in front of me now) something like: I need help with my relationship with women”

    Here is most of your original post there: “I mean female colleagues at work… My workplace has a majority of females about 8 to 1 ratio. So there seems to be a “female dominance” if I may call it that. Not that I want a “male dominant’ workplace. Just I’d like to relate to the women on an equal footing. There seems to be something in me which attracts disrespect as I see it…”

    Women at the workplace, same issue- first and last of many, many threads. Isn’t it an amazing coincidence?

    anita

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