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Worrying too much about other people/jealousy

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  • #49647
    Kristy
    Participant

    I have a lot of insecurities. Sometimes I find myself perfectly happy and comfortable with who I am and try not to think about failed friendships or whatever..but then other times I get really jealous or upset when someone else (one particular “friend” comes to mind) gets a lot of attention. Everyone seems to flock to this person, even if they’re not always the best person. I have been spending a lot of time alone or with one other person here or there. Some friends I have had have kind of cut me off because of the stress and negativity I can cause. I have a lot of insecurities which can lead to self fulfilling prophecies and I also struggle with severe depression. I want to be positive so much and feel free of this stress but I can’t help be bothered by things like this. Especially because I used to be closer friends with this person and I guess now she has a lot of people around her. I’m not even concerned with being popular. I just long for some really close friendships that I won’t mess up. How can I resolve or move on from things like this?

    #49660
    Karin
    Participant

    Hi Kristy,

    It’s already really good that you notice that you’re the one being jealous and that it’s not necessarily something the other person is doing. And so brave to write about it here. I guess everyone feels like that from time to time. The trick might just be not to act on it and not to give that feeling too much attention. Just notice it’s there, and try to think the opposite: ‘I’m happy for her’. And maybe give here even more attention. Ask her things, be her friend. What you give, you will get back in return. And by doing this, some beliefs might just start to shift within you.

    Everything you need is already there within you. Love, courage, strength, self-respect. Do you believe that?
    What is the story you tell yourself about yourself? What do you say to yourself in your head? Are they supportive and nice thoughts? Maybe a good exercise would be to write down some of those thoughts you often have and then make a list right next to it with the opposite thoughts. One thought I used to have and still sometimes have is: I’m not interesting enough. My opposite thought is: I’m worth listening to. Trust me, this will make a difference.

    You, and you alone are responsible for your happiness… you can see this as a harsh statement, or you can see it as a liberating one. You have the power to change, to change your thoughts, to change your behavior. You see, if you change your beliefs then eventually your behavior will change, if your behavior changes your environment will change.

    Like I said, what you give, you will get back in return… You can try it on the street: walk around with an angry or sad face and that’s all you will get back, smile at people and you will get smiles back.

    I know you can do it, dear Kristy!

    With love,
    Karin 🙂

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