Hi community,

I love this site…it’s so inspiring. I’ve been following for about a year, and just realized there is a forum!

I need some advice….I’m not very good in relationships. I don’t know sometimes if it’s me or the other person, but there are often similar issues that arise, and I think I’m paranoid and not trusting/guarded. I haven’t had a good history with relationships, and I tend to get into sort of “catastrophic thinking,” which I am working on, slowly.

My boyfriend of 9 months and I are trying to work things out. We had a few bumps along the road, and I withdrew. He asked what I needed and how to fix things, and I told him. He travels a lot for his job. The first week of this, he was really romantic, accommodating and over the top. I loved it, even though it made me a little nervous that it wouldn’t last. He mentioned trips and all he wanted to do for me.

He’s been back in town now for the second week, and although I can absolutely see him trying and taking steps, there is less talk of all the castles in the sky he built. I am worried that he said things to “win me back,” but perhaps didn’t mean them.

I get the sense from him that when I hold back a little, he comes swooping in, but when I am fully in and engaged (and myself), he gets nervous and pulls back himself. He generally is kind and his actions speak loudly — he cooks for me, helps me with work/problems, always wants to talk. I think I like to hear words; affirmations and reassurance, and he is not always verbal.

I don’t know if this stuff is normal, as I don’t think I’ve ever had a “normal” relationship. Any thoughts?