No, I don’t think you are overreacting at all. It sounds like he did not respect any of the boundaries you were setting for yourself and in response actually tried to make you feel guilty for doing so. Never feel badly for setting boundaries that you know you need to feel good about a situation. Don’t be hard on yourself, he kept ‘claiming’ he loved you more, and in relationships we want to believe our partners. As for his comments, sounds like he is incredibly insecure and probably wanted to see if he could make you jealous because he used jealousy as a way to measure how committed or in love you were with him. And as for breaking up with you because he was ‘afraid of commitment’, well I don’t buy it. I think he just realized he could not manipulate you into the person he wanted you to be, felt insecure about your relationship and sabotaged it so that he didn’t have to take a look at his own behavior. He will likely continue to repeat the cycle until he meets someone equally insecure that he can mold into what he needs, which will likely not work out. At the end of the day, it is NOT your responsibility to make him happy, it is his responsibility to make himself happy and until he can admit to his short comings, well, the pattern will repeat itself. In my experience, people are only mean because it is a direct reflection of how they feel inside, about themselves and the world around him. NONE OF IT has anything to do with you 🙂 Namaste

Dear Isa:

When a man or any person tells you how hard his or her life has been and how he/ she still suffers because of it, you naturally want to help. You feel empathy and you want to make it better for the other person. No matter how intensely I wanted to make the present better for a certain person in my life, no matter how hard I tried, I failed. I failed because in my case, this person felt a relief from telling me how miserable her life has been and how much she suffers. It made her feel better to see me hurt for her. And then she went about her business in life, not fixing anything, not gaining awareness or insight about her past and about how she was continuing to self sabotage, harm herself (and others). Her hurt and anger will build and then she told me again how terrible her life has been and how much she suffered. ANd after she told me, she felt better and so on and so on. Sometimes, maybe even often, when people tell you how hard their lives have been, they don’t want your help to make their present better, they just want to feel better WHILE they are telling you about it. Strange, is it?

So when the next person or man tells you how difficult his life has been, after expressing empathy for his past and present suffering, ask him what HE is doing to make his life better. That way you will get an idea about whether he is trying or open to do something about making his present better. If he is willing, then you can ask him and explore with him ways that you can help with HIS intent and goal to heal, to make his life better. As a helper, not as a lone crusader.

As a lone crusader you will fail.

anita

Dear Isa:

What can you do instead of looking at his social networking? Or in addition to it when you get just too curious?
anita